_______________________________________
Ek aadmi jungle mein apne saathiyon se alag hokar ghane jungle mein kho gaya. Itna ghana jungle ki suraj ki roshni tak andar nahi aa rahi thee...
Tabhi andhere jungle mein se nikal kar kai kaale rang ke habshi, chaku-bhale le kar uske saamne aa gaye. Usne dekha ki wo saari taraf se ghir chuka tha, aur bhagne ka koi rasta nahi tha!!! Dar kar rote hue usne kaha," Hay bhagwaan! Kati isse-tissi ho gayee, eeb main gaaya!!!"
Tabhi baadlon mein jor ki gad-gadahat hui, roshni si chamki, aur ek goonjtee awaaj sunai di...," Nahi baalak, abhi kuch nahi hua! Tere pairoon ke aage jo pathar pada hai, use utha, aur sabse aage khade us habshi ke, jo inka saradar hai, uske sar pe de maar!!!"...
Phir kya tha, us aadmi ne khush hokar jhat se pathar uthaya aur unke sardar ke sar pe de mara! Sardar whainee gir kar mar gaya...!
Baadlon mein whai awaaz phir se hui," Balak, eeb jakar issi-tissi ho gayee ..... eeb sahi mein tu gaya!!!"
keep visiting www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com to read more haryanvi jokes likes this.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
sharaabi
________________________________________
ek bai ek doctor sharaabi nai samjhaavai tha.
Doctor bolya: "dekho bhai, ye jo sharaab hoti hai, ye ek 'slow poison' hai, ye dheere dheere aadmi ko maar deti hai"
Sharaabi bolya: "yo tai aur bhi badhiya baat sai daactar, mannai koonsi maran ki jaldi padi sai"
to read more haryanvi jokes...mera matlab haryanvi chutkle.... keep coming to
www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com
ek bai ek doctor sharaabi nai samjhaavai tha.
Doctor bolya: "dekho bhai, ye jo sharaab hoti hai, ye ek 'slow poison' hai, ye dheere dheere aadmi ko maar deti hai"
Sharaabi bolya: "yo tai aur bhi badhiya baat sai daactar, mannai koonsi maran ki jaldi padi sai"
to read more haryanvi jokes...mera matlab haryanvi chutkle.... keep coming to
www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com
drawing ki class
________________________________________
ek bai ek master nai baalkan tai baithi hui gaa (sitting cow) ka chitra banaane ke lie diya. Ek baalak nai khadi gaa banaa raakhi thi.
Master danda utha ke chillaya "maine tumhe baithi hui gaa banaane ke liye kahaa tha"
Baalak bolya "masterji mannai tai baithi e banaai thi, yo tai aapka danda dekh ke khadi ho gyi"
To read more haryanvi jokes , keep visiting www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com.
We come with really funny haryanvi jokes almost every day on this blog.
ek bai ek master nai baalkan tai baithi hui gaa (sitting cow) ka chitra banaane ke lie diya. Ek baalak nai khadi gaa banaa raakhi thi.
Master danda utha ke chillaya "maine tumhe baithi hui gaa banaane ke liye kahaa tha"
Baalak bolya "masterji mannai tai baithi e banaai thi, yo tai aapka danda dekh ke khadi ho gyi"
To read more haryanvi jokes , keep visiting www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com.
We come with really funny haryanvi jokes almost every day on this blog.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Mummy:beta, get up, its time to go to college
......
Son:Nhi ma, i don't want to go to college
Mom:give me 2 reason why u don't want to go to college
Son: 1.All students hate me
2. All staff hate me
Mom:Ooh! Thats not a reason u must go to college
Son:Give me 2 reason why i should go to college
Mom:1. u are 47 years old
2. u are the principal of college
......
Son:Nhi ma, i don't want to go to college
Mom:give me 2 reason why u don't want to go to college
Son: 1.All students hate me
2. All staff hate me
Mom:Ooh! Thats not a reason u must go to college
Son:Give me 2 reason why i should go to college
Mom:1. u are 47 years old
2. u are the principal of college
chuha gujar gya
pappu ki roti par se chuha gujar gya.
pappu bola: ab main ye roti nhi khaaunga
pappu ke papa : kha le beta, chuhe ne konsi chapplen daal rakhi thi
pappu bola: ab main ye roti nhi khaaunga
pappu ke papa : kha le beta, chuhe ne konsi chapplen daal rakhi thi
beautiful foreign location
wife: suno ji, doctor ne mujhe 1 mahine ke liye beautiful foreign location me jaane ko bola hai. Hum kahan jayenge?
Husband : doosre doctor ke paas
Husband : doosre doctor ke paas
Thursday, January 27, 2011
tau fer bad gaya P.V.R mein
!!
________________________________________
tau bad gaya p.v.r mein sholay film dekhan
urrey gabbar rukkey marran laag rehya thaa
gabbur >>..... ye haath humka de de thakur..................... tau pey se ya sunkey datya nahi gaya aur tau ney khadya hoke rukka marya
tau >>.......... 2 haath to pehlam a le rehya sai ... aur ke ib Shera waali mata banega
________________________________________
tau bad gaya p.v.r mein sholay film dekhan
urrey gabbar rukkey marran laag rehya thaa
gabbur >>..... ye haath humka de de thakur..................... tau pey se ya sunkey datya nahi gaya aur tau ney khadya hoke rukka marya
tau >>.......... 2 haath to pehlam a le rehya sai ... aur ke ib Shera waali mata banega
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
jalebi judaa
Ek baar ki baat bahi, ek haryana roadways ki bus mein ek chori jad li, er bahi bus mein gani bhid thi... kudrati ek tau ka bi bus meinchadana hua, tau ka haath chori ke sar pa padgya, chori chillai... tau tann yo ke karya mera jalebi joodaa bigaad diya... tau bola-- mann ke bera tha tu sar par e kdaai chada ri saii....
Guu mile se
ek din Jetha Lal ne baniya dhore phone kara aur bola.............."guu mile se"
baniya bola nahi milta ,
jetha lal ne pher phone kara ,pher bola guu mile se, baniya pher bola , nahi milta..........nuve kayi baar ho gaya..baniya ne chho (gussa) aaya...jab pher phone aaya jetha lal ka aur usne poochha ki guu mile se.to baniya bola haan mile se...........
to jetha lal bola......"kha le te pher"
baniya bola nahi milta ,
jetha lal ne pher phone kara ,pher bola guu mile se, baniya pher bola , nahi milta..........nuve kayi baar ho gaya..baniya ne chho (gussa) aaya...jab pher phone aaya jetha lal ka aur usne poochha ki guu mile se.to baniya bola haan mile se...........
to jetha lal bola......"kha le te pher"
subedar sahab
________________________________________
Ek bai aapne subedar sahab daru ka peg la re the arrr unki ghar aali akhbar bacchann lag ree thi ....bolee je dekho akhbar main ke lakh rakhya sai ...ke sharab peena sehat ke liye hanikarak hota hai ....to major sab forn bolle...band ....aaj tai e band....to subedarnni bolee aacha jee aaj tai daru band ....to subedar sahab bole ....na.... aaj tai yo akhbar band
Ek bai aapne subedar sahab daru ka peg la re the arrr unki ghar aali akhbar bacchann lag ree thi ....bolee je dekho akhbar main ke lakh rakhya sai ...ke sharab peena sehat ke liye hanikarak hota hai ....to major sab forn bolle...band ....aaj tai e band....to subedarnni bolee aacha jee aaj tai daru band ....to subedar sahab bole ....na.... aaj tai yo akhbar band
tau fer bard gaya P.V.R mein
________________________________________
tau bad gaya p.v.r mein shoolay film dekhan
urrey gabbur rukkey marran laag rehya thaa
gabbur >>..... yey haath humka de de thakur..................... tau pey ya sunkey datya nahi gaya aur tau ney khadya hookey rukka marya
tau >>.......... 2 haath to pehlam ey ley rehya sey,,,,, aur key ib Shera aali mata banega
tau bad gaya p.v.r mein shoolay film dekhan
urrey gabbur rukkey marran laag rehya thaa
gabbur >>..... yey haath humka de de thakur..................... tau pey ya sunkey datya nahi gaya aur tau ney khadya hookey rukka marya
tau >>.......... 2 haath to pehlam ey ley rehya sey,,,,, aur key ib Shera aali mata banega
Tau in Sher – o – Shayari Competition
________________________________________
Ek be Tau ek competion main chala gaya ar ude ghane e bade bade shayar aa rahe thee. Jab sab ne suna liya te tau ka bhi no aaya to tau ne be apni taan ched de
main usstey ghana pyar karya karta.... par wa mera dil sa tod giiiiiii...,
isaa lagya jannu jethh ke mhiney main, mhais dhaar dena chhod gi
Humney kise tay pyar konya, kyoonki mahare tay kise nay pyar konya....
hum to hade eesey haan, jannu mhais ki khor mhai nyaar konya
Ar Tau ke sher suna paache ude koi competition nahi hoya
Ek be Tau ek competion main chala gaya ar ude ghane e bade bade shayar aa rahe thee. Jab sab ne suna liya te tau ka bhi no aaya to tau ne be apni taan ched de
main usstey ghana pyar karya karta.... par wa mera dil sa tod giiiiiii...,
isaa lagya jannu jethh ke mhiney main, mhais dhaar dena chhod gi
Humney kise tay pyar konya, kyoonki mahare tay kise nay pyar konya....
hum to hade eesey haan, jannu mhais ki khor mhai nyaar konya
Ar Tau ke sher suna paache ude koi competition nahi hoya
tau in a.c bus
tau volvo a.c bus mein beath gaya aur waaey biddi ki puraani aadat,,,,, bethtey hi biddi chass li........conducter ney rukka marya
conducter >>..... tau,, bidi band kar dey,,talley uter key pee liyey..
tau ney sunn key bhi ignore kar diya,,,,,,,,,,, conducter ney fer rukka marya tau ,, bidi band kar dey,, talley utter key pee lieyey,,, tau ney fer ignore marya aur bidi ki 2`4 ghoont aur bitha di....... conducter ney fer rukka marya ,,, ibkey tau bhi irritate ho liya thaa aur tayu bolya>>.....
tau >>>.,.....tu bus chala ,,talley ki chinta na karey ,,,,, talley khater to tera fuffa saabta bundle le rehya sey
conducter >>..... tau,, bidi band kar dey,,talley uter key pee liyey..
tau ney sunn key bhi ignore kar diya,,,,,,,,,,, conducter ney fer rukka marya tau ,, bidi band kar dey,, talley utter key pee lieyey,,, tau ney fer ignore marya aur bidi ki 2`4 ghoont aur bitha di....... conducter ney fer rukka marya ,,, ibkey tau bhi irritate ho liya thaa aur tayu bolya>>.....
tau >>>.,.....tu bus chala ,,talley ki chinta na karey ,,,,, talley khater to tera fuffa saabta bundle le rehya sey
Tau ki lata mangeshkar
________________________________________
Bhai Ek bas jaati hai Gurgaon tai Haridwar, wo tadkai 7 baje chale. arr wo ek hi bass hai jo haridwar ja, usmai dher ghani bheed ho ja. to bhai hua kya, kalekhan adde pai jake wo bas aur bhargi. ar usmai ek musalmanni (burkha wali) arr uske 3-4 tabbar chhote-chhote. uske sare balak bikhar gaye, koi aagge tai bas mai chadh gya koi pachchhe tai, arr bas mai ghani bheed arr uppar sai kasutti garmi. uski jo god mai chhori thi wo buri trah ron lagi arr bhai uppar sai burkewali nai rooka tar diya apne balakan ke naam le le kai.... wo lgaatar rooka mare ja..... rafi ooooooo rafi.... rafi ooooooo rafi.... arr uske god ki chhori bhi kasutti rove.
ek tau baitha tha seat pai jaha wo khadi thi, tau pai ruka na gaya arr tau bolya... aari tu rafi ar kishore ku baad mai bula liye is god ki lata mangeshkar ku to chup kar le, u ek ghante tai kanth padan lagree....
Bhai Ek bas jaati hai Gurgaon tai Haridwar, wo tadkai 7 baje chale. arr wo ek hi bass hai jo haridwar ja, usmai dher ghani bheed ho ja. to bhai hua kya, kalekhan adde pai jake wo bas aur bhargi. ar usmai ek musalmanni (burkha wali) arr uske 3-4 tabbar chhote-chhote. uske sare balak bikhar gaye, koi aagge tai bas mai chadh gya koi pachchhe tai, arr bas mai ghani bheed arr uppar sai kasutti garmi. uski jo god mai chhori thi wo buri trah ron lagi arr bhai uppar sai burkewali nai rooka tar diya apne balakan ke naam le le kai.... wo lgaatar rooka mare ja..... rafi ooooooo rafi.... rafi ooooooo rafi.... arr uske god ki chhori bhi kasutti rove.
ek tau baitha tha seat pai jaha wo khadi thi, tau pai ruka na gaya arr tau bolya... aari tu rafi ar kishore ku baad mai bula liye is god ki lata mangeshkar ku to chup kar le, u ek ghante tai kanth padan lagree....
its not a dirty one
__________________
She came home early and found her husband in their
bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was
VERY upset!
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare
you do this to me -
a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"
And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at
least I can tell you what happened"
"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the
last words you'll say to me!"
And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to
drive home and this young lady here asked me for a
lift. She looked so down and out and
defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into
the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So,
in my compassion, brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you
wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put
on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower
and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes
were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your
anniversary present, which you don't wear because I
don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for
Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I
also donated those boots you bought at the expensive
boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a
pairlike them."
He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so
grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked
her to the door she turned to me with tears in her
eyes and said
"Please........do you have anything else that your
wife doesn't use?'
she had tears in her eyes and I was helpless
She came home early and found her husband in their
bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was
VERY upset!
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare
you do this to me -
a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"
And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at
least I can tell you what happened"
"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the
last words you'll say to me!"
And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to
drive home and this young lady here asked me for a
lift. She looked so down and out and
defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into
the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So,
in my compassion, brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you
wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put
on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower
and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes
were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your
anniversary present, which you don't wear because I
don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for
Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I
also donated those boots you bought at the expensive
boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a
pairlike them."
He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so
grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked
her to the door she turned to me with tears in her
eyes and said
"Please........do you have anything else that your
wife doesn't use?'
she had tears in her eyes and I was helpless
do gappodi
________________________________________
ek bai do gappodi batlaawei thei.
ek bolya "mere dada dhorai itni gaa(cow) thi ki jit dekho gaa e gaa, koi hisaab ai nahin tha."
dusra bolya "rai nu bataa, itni gaayan nai chaara kyukar khwaata"
pehla bolya "ek badi si khore thi, nu puri dharti par kai chakkar maar de, itni badi"
dusra bolya "mere dada dhorai isa badaa lath tha nu upar kar kai helya do tai taare toot padya karte"
pehla bolya "jhoot bhi kyun bolai se, nu bataa us lath nai wo raakhya kit karta"
dusra jhat bolya "tere dada ki khore mai"
ek bai do gappodi batlaawei thei.
ek bolya "mere dada dhorai itni gaa(cow) thi ki jit dekho gaa e gaa, koi hisaab ai nahin tha."
dusra bolya "rai nu bataa, itni gaayan nai chaara kyukar khwaata"
pehla bolya "ek badi si khore thi, nu puri dharti par kai chakkar maar de, itni badi"
dusra bolya "mere dada dhorai isa badaa lath tha nu upar kar kai helya do tai taare toot padya karte"
pehla bolya "jhoot bhi kyun bolai se, nu bataa us lath nai wo raakhya kit karta"
dusra jhat bolya "tere dada ki khore mai"
Sorry
________________________________________
Ek be ek bus main ek tau ja tha....galti teh uska paon ek sehri ladke pe paon pe pad gaya....sehri ladka bola...Tau dekh ke nahin chal sakta...tau bola sorry....pher bhi woh sehri ladka tau ko ganhee der tak sunta raha...kee dekh ke chal liya kar...tau kuch nahin bola..usne sochi kee galti to meri hee hai...chup chap sunta raha....thodi der main ek sundar se ladki chadi bus main...6 inch ke heel pen rahi thee...uska paon bhi us sehri ladke ke paon pe pad gaya...woh sehri ladka kuch na bola...aadtha ghanta ho gaya...uska paon abhi bhi us sehri ladke ke paon pe tha...woh ladka dard bardasht karta raha par kuch nahin bola..1 ghante baad jab dard ganha ho gaya to us ladke ne us ladki se kahi kee madam jara apna paon utha lo...woh ladki boli sorry...ladka bolya kuch nahin..its all right...Tau kaafi der se yeh jab dekh raha tha...tau ne ek rapta dhara us chhore ke kaan pe...aur bolya...dedh ke beej meri ke sorry kee spelling galat ho gayi thee..
Ek be ek bus main ek tau ja tha....galti teh uska paon ek sehri ladke pe paon pe pad gaya....sehri ladka bola...Tau dekh ke nahin chal sakta...tau bola sorry....pher bhi woh sehri ladka tau ko ganhee der tak sunta raha...kee dekh ke chal liya kar...tau kuch nahin bola..usne sochi kee galti to meri hee hai...chup chap sunta raha....thodi der main ek sundar se ladki chadi bus main...6 inch ke heel pen rahi thee...uska paon bhi us sehri ladke ke paon pe pad gaya...woh sehri ladka kuch na bola...aadtha ghanta ho gaya...uska paon abhi bhi us sehri ladke ke paon pe tha...woh ladka dard bardasht karta raha par kuch nahin bola..1 ghante baad jab dard ganha ho gaya to us ladke ne us ladki se kahi kee madam jara apna paon utha lo...woh ladki boli sorry...ladka bolya kuch nahin..its all right...Tau kaafi der se yeh jab dekh raha tha...tau ne ek rapta dhara us chhore ke kaan pe...aur bolya...dedh ke beej meri ke sorry kee spelling galat ho gayi thee..
lady's seat
________________________________________
ek baar ek haryanvi Tau DTC mein safar kar raha tha. wo lady's seat par betha tha. tabhi ek lady aayyee aur wo usse boli aap please khadee ho jayeee ye lady's seat hai. wo haryanvi bola kit likh rakhya hai. wo lady boli wo dekhiye upar likha hua hai. tab tau bolya jib udhe bhet ja na.
ek baar ek haryanvi Tau DTC mein safar kar raha tha. wo lady's seat par betha tha. tabhi ek lady aayyee aur wo usse boli aap please khadee ho jayeee ye lady's seat hai. wo haryanvi bola kit likh rakhya hai. wo lady boli wo dekhiye upar likha hua hai. tab tau bolya jib udhe bhet ja na.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Do Pataase
________________________________________
ek bah 2 rande the , fatte and thanbu, donu bade preshaan the , unka bayah ka ssot nahi baithah tha. ek din wo dukhi ho ka ek shyaane dhore chale gaye, Ar bole baba ji maran ge, kah tah bayah karva de na tah maran ka rah bata de. Shayana, Tantrik .. nah un pah daya aa gi, Wo bolya .. lo ye 02 pataashe, jin bhi chori ya lugaaian nah khavaaoge, wah aaj raat nah 12 baje taain thare gharan na aa jya tah mera naam badal dio. Donu rande raazi ho ge, donu , raazi raazi , aaye , rah mah ek koi gaam ki saali, kise bahu ki choti bhan paani ki tokni lenhi aavah thi , raade bole, aan e chander kalan, lah .. ye pataashe, vaishno devi ka parsaad sah , haam donu gaye the. Us nah parsaad palle kah baandh liya ar boli .. gharan jaa kah khaaongi.
Gharan jaa kah boli aapni bhan tah ak bebe wo donu rande phete the , vaisho debi ka parsaad diya sah , 02 pataashe sain , ek tu khaa le ar ek mah. Uski bhan thi shaani .. boli ak faink de .. rande sah bera naah kis dhore padhva kah laa rahe honge .. tu nu kar ak ye pataashe bainsh aage ger de. us nah ger diye jhoti aagah. Pataashaan nah tah pher aapna asar dikhaaya ar jhoti laagi than ke katiye taaran. Ude , donu rande dekhan baat .... ak donu bahu aavangi.
Ar raat nah 12 baje si jab pataashan ka asar kati topam top ho gya , bainsh nah mara jhatka ar khuta paad kah raanda ke baranah aan kadi hoyi.....Randa nah dekha ak .. ya ke bani , ek bolya .. bhai ya jhoti tah chandarkalan har ki san ... doosra bolya .. bhai raul ho gi , pataashe bhainsh aage ger diye.
Pahla bolya .. ar bhaj kah chaat pah chadd jya ... sukr sah .. pataashe jhoti aage ger diye ... jah won ... gaam ke jhote aage ger devane to ke karaen..
ek bah 2 rande the , fatte and thanbu, donu bade preshaan the , unka bayah ka ssot nahi baithah tha. ek din wo dukhi ho ka ek shyaane dhore chale gaye, Ar bole baba ji maran ge, kah tah bayah karva de na tah maran ka rah bata de. Shayana, Tantrik .. nah un pah daya aa gi, Wo bolya .. lo ye 02 pataashe, jin bhi chori ya lugaaian nah khavaaoge, wah aaj raat nah 12 baje taain thare gharan na aa jya tah mera naam badal dio. Donu rande raazi ho ge, donu , raazi raazi , aaye , rah mah ek koi gaam ki saali, kise bahu ki choti bhan paani ki tokni lenhi aavah thi , raade bole, aan e chander kalan, lah .. ye pataashe, vaishno devi ka parsaad sah , haam donu gaye the. Us nah parsaad palle kah baandh liya ar boli .. gharan jaa kah khaaongi.
Gharan jaa kah boli aapni bhan tah ak bebe wo donu rande phete the , vaisho debi ka parsaad diya sah , 02 pataashe sain , ek tu khaa le ar ek mah. Uski bhan thi shaani .. boli ak faink de .. rande sah bera naah kis dhore padhva kah laa rahe honge .. tu nu kar ak ye pataashe bainsh
Ar raat nah 12 baje si jab pataashan ka asar kati topam top ho gya , bainsh nah mara jhatka ar khuta paad kah raanda ke baranah aan kadi hoyi.....Randa nah dekha ak .. ya ke bani , ek bolya .. bhai ya jhoti tah chandarkalan har ki san ... doosra bolya .. bhai raul ho gi , pataashe bhainsh aage ger diye.
Pahla bolya .. ar bhaj kah chaat pah chadd jya ... sukr sah .. pataashe jhoti aage ger diye ... jah won ... gaam ke jhote aage ger devane to ke karaen..
Monday, January 24, 2011
mere akhrot
ek aadmi govt job ke liye interview dene gya
interviewer: aap ki koi kamzori to nhi
aadmi: ji sir , asal me main pahle fauz me tha, meri taango ke beech me bum fta aur mere akhrot udd gye
interviewer: ye to koi problem nhi, monday se aap join karei, hum sab 9 bje aate hain, aap 11 bje aana
aadmi:aisa kyu?
interviewer:
hum sab 11 bje tak kuch nhi karte bus apne akhrot khujate rahte hain
interviewer: aap ki koi kamzori to nhi
aadmi: ji sir , asal me main pahle fauz me tha, meri taango ke beech me bum fta aur mere akhrot udd gye
interviewer: ye to koi problem nhi, monday se aap join karei, hum sab 9 bje aate hain, aap 11 bje aana
aadmi:aisa kyu?
interviewer:
hum sab 11 bje tak kuch nhi karte bus apne akhrot khujate rahte hain
Sunday, January 23, 2011
alchohol
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Ek bai bhai Masterjee nai Sharaab ka bhara ek glass liya aur balkaan tai dikha kai bole " baalkon ya sai sharaab, ar mai isme yo ek kida (worm) daal dyun sun aaj, 2-4 din mai dekhiyo isne". 2-4 din paache kida sharaab mai ghul (decompose) gya. Fer masterjee nai sharaab ka wohi glass baalkaan tai dikhaya aur puchya " baalkon batao is kide ka yo haal hoya hai tai sharaab ka mahri sehat par ke asar howega"..........raldhu khada ho kai bolya " masterjee mahre pet ke saare kide mar jyange".....
Ek bai bhai Masterjee nai Sharaab ka bhara ek glass liya aur balkaan tai dikha kai bole " baalkon ya sai sharaab, ar mai isme yo ek kida (worm) daal dyun sun aaj, 2-4 din mai dekhiyo isne". 2-4 din paache kida sharaab mai ghul (decompose) gya. Fer masterjee nai sharaab ka wohi glass baalkaan tai dikhaya aur puchya " baalkon batao is kide ka yo haal hoya hai tai sharaab ka mahri sehat par ke asar howega"..........raldhu khada ho kai bolya " masterjee mahre pet ke saare kide mar jyange".....
masterjee
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Bhaiyo ek real incident.......ek baar ek ghana kaala master aaya ek gaam ke school tai dusre gaam ke school mai......1 mahine paache prinicipal tai bolya " principal saab, maine dekhya hai ak baalkon ki psychology har jagah ek si hi rahti hai" , Prinicipal saab bole kyukar.... master jee bole " pahle school mai bhi balak manney maal gaadi ka engine kahya karte as is school mai bhi wohe kah sain"
Bhaiyo ek real incident.......ek baar ek ghana kaala master aaya ek gaam ke school tai dusre gaam ke school mai......1 mahine paache prinicipal tai bolya " principal saab, maine dekhya hai ak baalkon ki psychology har jagah ek si hi rahti hai" , Prinicipal saab bole kyukar.... master jee bole " pahle school mai bhi balak manney maal gaadi ka engine kahya karte as is school mai bhi wohe kah sain"
andy chhori
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ek bar ek chora ek ghani suthari chori ke pichche pichche ja raha tha...wo apne dost te bola ak ya chori je mere te ek bar bol pade to main sidha sawarag main ja..va chori pichche mud ke boli ak main bol bhi padungi..per tu kal bhi aadaye dhakke khata pavega...
ek bar ek chora ek ghani suthari chori ke pichche pichche ja raha tha...wo apne dost te bola ak ya chori je mere te ek bar bol pade to main sidha sawarag main ja..va chori pichche mud ke boli ak main bol bhi padungi..per tu kal bhi aadaye dhakke khata pavega...
no more please!!
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Ek bar ek haryanavi jat mumbai gaya.bus stand par line mein khada hokar bus ka wait karne laga.Bus aayi to bus conductor ne kaha ladies first!jab tak saari ladies ki bari khatam hui bus me saari seats full ho gayi.Jat jaise hi chadne laga conductor ne kaha, No more please!! jat bola sari mornia ne hi le jawga ek more ne bhi le chal!!!
Ek bar ek haryanavi jat mumbai gaya.bus stand par line mein khada hokar bus ka wait karne laga.Bus aayi to bus conductor ne kaha ladies first!jab tak saari ladies ki bari khatam hui bus me saari seats full ho gayi.Jat jaise hi chadne laga conductor ne kaha, No more please!! jat bola sari mornia ne hi le jawga ek more ne bhi le chal!!!
Seat khali se ke?
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Ek hatta-katta sa phelwaan bus mein chadya, ar khali seat ke side mein baithe aadmi te bolya," Ya s.s..se..seat, kh..kh..kha..khali se?"...baithya aadmi kuch no bola ar mudkar khidki se bahar dekhan lagya. Phelwaan ne phir pochee," Re, Kh..Kh..Khali se ke?"...
Jad es baar bhi wa aadmi na bolya, te uske peeche baithya ek manas bol padya, " Ya seat kati khaali se, mere yaar, baith ja!"
Wa phelwaan us seat pe baith gaya ar aagle hi bus-stand per utar bhi gaya. Eb us manas ne chup baithe aadmi te pochee," Mere yaar, tanne te kati julam kar diya, kyane usne bataave na tha? Ya seat te khali thee !?!...
Eb pheli baar wa Aadmi muda, aer bolya," Bhai, M..m..ma..manne ke p..p..pe..petna tha???
Ek hatta-katta sa phelwaan bus mein chadya, ar khali seat ke side mein baithe aadmi te bolya," Ya s.s..se..seat, kh..kh..kha..khali se?"...baithya aadmi kuch no bola ar mudkar khidki se bahar dekhan lagya. Phelwaan ne phir pochee," Re, Kh..Kh..Khali se ke?"...
Jad es baar bhi wa aadmi na bolya, te uske peeche baithya ek manas bol padya, " Ya seat kati khaali se, mere yaar, baith ja!"
Wa phelwaan us seat pe baith gaya ar aagle hi bus-stand per utar bhi gaya. Eb us manas ne chup baithe aadmi te pochee," Mere yaar, tanne te kati julam kar diya, kyane usne bataave na tha? Ya seat te khali thee !?!...
Eb pheli baar wa Aadmi muda, aer bolya," Bhai, M..m..ma..manne ke p..p..pe..petna tha???
Kholo, Darwaaza kholo !
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Ek baar der raat ko ek shaarabi nashe mein duth sadak per chala ja raha tha. Wo ek bijli ke khambe ke neeche jaa kar ruka, aur laga us par haath se khat-khatane. Saath mein bar-bar bole bhi jaye," Kholo, Darwaaza kholo!"
Usi whakt whaan se ek chowkidaar bhi niklaa. Usne shaarabi ko yeh harkat karte dekha, aur samajh gaya ki usne bahut pee rakhi hai. Chakkar mein na padkar, chowkidaar ne shaarabi se aise hi kaha, " Aare O, abhi yhaan ghar per koi nahi hai! Chal, jaa yhaan se!
Sharaabi uski taraf mud kar, kisi tarah seedhe khade ho kar, gusse mein bola," Kaise ghar per nahi hain,....wo upar dhek, upar ke kamre ki light jal rahi hai ki nahi...?!!!"
Ek baar der raat ko ek shaarabi nashe mein duth sadak per chala ja raha tha. Wo ek bijli ke khambe ke neeche jaa kar ruka, aur laga us par haath se khat-khatane. Saath mein bar-bar bole bhi jaye," Kholo, Darwaaza kholo!"
Usi whakt whaan se ek chowkidaar bhi niklaa. Usne shaarabi ko yeh harkat karte dekha, aur samajh gaya ki usne bahut pee rakhi hai. Chakkar mein na padkar, chowkidaar ne shaarabi se aise hi kaha, " Aare O, abhi yhaan ghar per koi nahi hai! Chal, jaa yhaan se!
Sharaabi uski taraf mud kar, kisi tarah seedhe khade ho kar, gusse mein bola," Kaise ghar per nahi hain,....wo upar dhek, upar ke kamre ki light jal rahi hai ki nahi...?!!!"
aashiq tote
Ek Pinjre mein kuch totey ek Toti ko chaidh rahey the...
Jabki dusre pinjre mei ek Tota puja aur dusra tota Namaz padh raha tha,
Maalik ne toti ko sharif toton ke pinjre me daal diya. Jab toti us pinjre me gayi toh puja karne wala tota Namaz padhne wale tote se bola
..."Utho Haji sahab dua kubul ho gayi..
Jabki dusre pinjre mei ek Tota puja aur dusra tota Namaz padh raha tha,
Maalik ne toti ko sharif toton ke pinjre me daal diya. Jab toti us pinjre me gayi toh puja karne wala tota Namaz padhne wale tote se bola
..."Utho Haji sahab dua kubul ho gayi..
100th joke on this blog
Soondu ghana aalsi baalak tha. Ek din khaat pe pada-pada bolya- babu ek glass pani pakdaiye.
uska babu bolya uthke lele.
Soondu bolya babu pakdade ne.
Uska babu bolya tanne saram na aati k je atke pani mangya toh saale k lathh maarunga.
Soondu... b kasuta utt tha ekdam bolya- babu jad lathh maran aave ek glass paani bhi de diye
uska babu bolya uthke lele.
Soondu bolya babu pakdade ne.
Uska babu bolya tanne saram na aati k je atke pani mangya toh saale k lathh maarunga.
Soondu... b kasuta utt tha ekdam bolya- babu jad lathh maran aave ek glass paani bhi de diye
nd master
....
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aek baar log baag baitte thhy... saare afsar.ar baade baade log...aek S.P thha aek judge thha aek M.L.A thha aek IAS tha .ar isse isse afsar..unme tae aek master bhi thha..saari apni apni batan laag gae..ki bhai main itna powerful..ar main itna powerful..
S.P bola ki bhai kisse nae bhi dhamka sakon soon..
judge bola.. bhai kissne nae bhi andar kar sakoon soon...
MLA bola..bhai koi bhi sarkari kaam..
ar saare nyu nyu bol rhe...
ar bechare master ki baari aayi.....master bechhara soodha saa thha..bola..bhai meri to itni hi power hai...ki aek adha balak raah mein ram-ram kar dae hai..bas bhai hum to isse main raaji sain....sunke saare hasan lag ge..made real fun of him..bole bata bhi dae..ib..bhai master tae bhi rukkya naa gaya ib..ar..bola...bhai asli power to hamare paas hai..kissi bhi balak nae koddaa karo ar murga banao...ar de santi ..Dukaan lal kar do...ar baad mein koi balak S.P ban jaa sae, koi Judge..koi IAS ar koi MLA...
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aek baar log baag baitte thhy... saare afsar.ar baade baade log...aek S.P thha aek judge thha aek M.L.A thha aek IAS tha .ar isse isse afsar..unme tae aek master bhi thha..saari apni apni batan laag gae..ki bhai main itna powerful..ar main itna powerful..
S.P bola ki bhai kisse nae bhi dhamka sakon soon..
judge bola.. bhai kissne nae bhi andar kar sakoon soon...
MLA bola..bhai koi bhi sarkari kaam..
ar saare nyu nyu bol rhe...
ar bechare master ki baari aayi.....master bechhara soodha saa thha..bola..bhai meri to itni hi power hai...ki aek adha balak raah mein ram-ram kar dae hai..bas bhai hum to isse main raaji sain....sunke saare hasan lag ge..made real fun of him..bole bata bhi dae..ib..bhai master tae bhi rukkya naa gaya ib..ar..bola...bhai asli power to hamare paas hai..kissi bhi balak nae koddaa karo ar murga banao...ar de santi ..Dukaan lal kar do...ar baad mein koi balak S.P ban jaa sae, koi Judge..koi IAS ar koi MLA...
Tau aur Chaand
!
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Jab chaand per aadmi phaunch gaya to Rohtak ke ek gaaon mein bhi live telecast hoan laag raha tha. Der raat tak ek Tau bhi baki gaaon waloon ke saath Chaupal mein TV per dheke tha.
Per Tau baar-baar Chaand taien dheke aur apni mundi hila kar badbadawe,"Kati raasa kar rakhiya se, Yo sussre na bache eeb!"...
Ek Choore ne Tau te kahi," Re Tau, ke baat se? Tu kimmi kush na se!"
Tau boliya," Bhai, en logaan ne upar jo bhi kimmi karna se kar lein, arr tawldi te nikal awane to theek se, ... naa te ye Chaand eb kadi bhi aasman se neeche aane wala se!"
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Jab chaand per aadmi phaunch gaya to Rohtak ke ek gaaon mein bhi live telecast hoan laag raha tha. Der raat tak ek Tau bhi baki gaaon waloon ke saath Chaupal mein TV per dheke tha.
Per Tau baar-baar Chaand taien dheke aur apni mundi hila kar badbadawe,"Kati raasa kar rakhiya se, Yo sussre na bache eeb!"...
Ek Choore ne Tau te kahi," Re Tau, ke baat se? Tu kimmi kush na se!"
Tau boliya," Bhai, en logaan ne upar jo bhi kimmi karna se kar lein, arr tawldi te nikal awane to theek se, ... naa te ye Chaand eb kadi bhi aasman se neeche aane wala se!"
Saturday, January 22, 2011
TAU KI SALAH
!!!!!
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ek bar ek tau ki bhans bimar hogi...te wo dusare ke pass gaya are puchcha ki bhai teri bhi bhans bimar huyee thi tane ke kara tha.....vo bola maine te ek kilo tambaku(tobacco)khilaya tha...us tau ne bhi apni bhans te ek kilo tambaku khila diya....are uski bhans mergi...vo pher us aadami ke pass gaya aur bola bhai va bhans to mergi...vo aadami bola meri ke jinda rahi thi...
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ek bar ek tau ki bhans bimar hogi...te wo dusare ke pass gaya are puchcha ki bhai teri bhi bhans bimar huyee thi tane ke kara tha.....vo bola maine te ek kilo tambaku(tobacco)khilaya tha...us tau ne bhi apni bhans te ek kilo tambaku khila diya....are uski bhans mergi...vo pher us aadami ke pass gaya aur bola bhai va bhans to mergi...vo aadami bola meri ke jinda rahi thi...
Do student
Do Students raat me padhte hue.
Pahla: Kitne bje h.
Doosra: 1patthar uthakar samne ke ghar par mara. Ek aurat nikli boli: Kamino ab to so jao rat k teen bj rhe hai
Courtesy: harender Chahal
Pahla: Kitne bje h.
Doosra: 1patthar uthakar samne ke ghar par mara. Ek aurat nikli boli: Kamino ab to so jao rat k teen bj rhe hai
Courtesy: harender Chahal
lassi ho jaaye to
MUSAFIR:Beta Thoda pani milega?
BACHhA:Agar Lassi Ho Jaye To?
MUSAFIR: Bahut Accha Hota
Bachha lassi le aya
Musafir Ne 5 pyale Lassi Pine K Baad Pucha
...Kya Tumhare Ghar Me Koi Lassi Nahi Pita?
BACHA:pite To Sab Hain,
Lekin Aaj Lassi Me MENDAK Gir Gya Tha
or usi me mar gaya
Musafir Ne gusse me Pyala Zameen Par De Mara !
Bachha Rote Hue Bola
"Mummy Inhone Pyala Tod Diya Ab Hum kutte ko Pani kisme pilayenge"
BACHhA:Agar Lassi Ho Jaye To?
MUSAFIR: Bahut Accha Hota
Bachha lassi le aya
Musafir Ne 5 pyale Lassi Pine K Baad Pucha
...Kya Tumhare Ghar Me Koi Lassi Nahi Pita?
BACHA:pite To Sab Hain,
Lekin Aaj Lassi Me MENDAK Gir Gya Tha
or usi me mar gaya
Musafir Ne gusse me Pyala Zameen Par De Mara !
Bachha Rote Hue Bola
"Mummy Inhone Pyala Tod Diya Ab Hum kutte ko Pani kisme pilayenge"
Tau ki Ragni
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Ek bar ek tau Ragni competition main chalaya gaya. Jab tau ki bari aai to tau khara ho gya aur tek lagai aa...aa...aa...aa. Tau ke nakali daant nikel ke bahar aa gye. Tau ne daant fit kare aur phir se shuru kiya aa..aa..aa. Batisi phir bahar aa gyi. Phir se tau ne daant phit kiye aur aa karte hi phir daant bahar. Ek molar tain raha nahi gaya aur bolya: "Tau, cassette e badalta ravahga ak kuch sunave bhi ga".
Ek bar ek tau Ragni competition main chalaya gaya. Jab tau ki bari aai to tau khara ho gya aur tek lagai aa...aa...aa...aa. Tau ke nakali daant nikel ke bahar aa gye. Tau ne daant fit kare aur phir se shuru kiya aa..aa..aa. Batisi phir bahar aa gyi. Phir se tau ne daant phit kiye aur aa karte hi phir daant bahar. Ek molar tain raha nahi gaya aur bolya: "Tau, cassette e badalta ravahga ak kuch sunave bhi ga".
second largest collection of haryanvi jokes
This is the second largest collection of haryanvi jokes on web. Please click on the f button below each joke to share tht on facebook
swad liye bina tera dhood sookah tha
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ek bah ek tauta hawai jhaj mah jaa sawari karah tha. Tauta aadmi ki dhall bol sakta hai , Wo tauta tha ghana oot....kati ek number ka badmaash. Us nah ke karah , ghanti bajai , aur air hostess bulai , ...ek sunder si airhostess daudi aayi , boli yes Sir, Tauta bolya ... Jaa .. manah tah swaad len khatar bulyaai thi. Wo bichaari chali gai , kuch der baad taute nah pher ghanti bajaayi . airhostess aayi, Aate hi tauta pher bolya .. jaa ,.. manah tah swad len khatar bulaayi thi .
Us se hawai jhaj mah ek molad bhi baitha tha, wo bhi dekhah tha taute ki saraarat. Us nah bhi dekham dekham ghanti bjaai , airhostess aayi , wo bhi bolya jaa.. balya manah tah swad len khatar bulaayi thi . Wa bichaari air hostess kaal paagi , wo ga jhaj ke commander dhorah , boli ek to ye batt tameez tota hai aur ye aadmi hai .. baar baar mere ko tang kar rahe hain... commander bolya theek sah in donooan nah jhaj tah neechah phenk do.......
Jab jhaj ka kawad khol kar tote nah neeche phenkan laage , tota bolya molad nah ,,.. aan bhai tanah .. oodna aavah sah .. molad bolya .. na bhai .. Tota bolya .. pher swad liye bina tera dhood sookah tha.
ek bah ek tauta
Us se hawai jhaj mah ek molad bhi baitha tha, wo bhi dekhah tha taute ki saraarat. Us nah bhi dekham dekham ghanti bjaai , airhostess aayi , wo bhi bolya jaa.. balya manah tah swad len khatar bulaayi thi . Wa bichaari air hostess kaal paagi , wo ga jhaj ke commander dhorah , boli ek to ye batt tameez tota hai aur ye aadmi hai .. baar baar mere ko tang kar rahe hain... commander bolya theek sah in donooan nah jhaj tah neechah phenk do.......
Jab jhaj ka kawad khol kar tote nah neeche phenkan laage , tota bolya molad nah ,,.. aan bhai tanah .. oodna aavah sah .. molad bolya .. na bhai .. Tota bolya .. pher swad liye bina tera dhood sookah tha.
Friday, January 21, 2011
esne maa kah de
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ek bar ek chore ka byaah ho gaya...
uske ghani suthri bahu aagi...
to pahli rat ne uska ghoonghat thaa ke bola"hai re tane ke kah doon"..aur ghoonghat dhak diya....
pher ghonghat thaya aur bola"hai re tane ke kah doon".....nua karte karte usne 15 minute ho gayee....bahar uska babu sunan lag raha tha.....wo chora pher bola"hai re tane ke kah doon"...te uska babu bola"esne maa kah de arr bahar bhej de"....
ek bar ek chore ka byaah ho gaya...
uske ghani suthri bahu aagi...
to pahli rat ne uska ghoonghat thaa ke bola"hai re tane ke kah doon"..aur ghoonghat dhak diya....
pher ghonghat thaya aur bola"hai re tane ke kah doon".....nua karte karte usne 15 minute ho gayee....bahar uska babu sunan lag raha tha.....wo chora pher bola"hai re tane ke kah doon"...te uska babu bola"esne maa kah de arr bahar bhej de"....
JoKe-:o)
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ek bah ek school mah maastarni ... ghani e bodi thi < very very lean>. Wa mastarni , bhugol padhiya karti . ek din class mah bhugol padhate hue boli " bachho ye dharti ghoomti hai" ...
ek ooot sa balak baitha tha , tale nah muh kar kah bolya , ... madam kime ghee ghyaa khaa liya karo .. na tah ya dharti nu e ghoomahgi....
ek bah ek school mah maastarni ... ghani e bodi thi < very very lean>. Wa mastarni , bhugol padhiya karti . ek din class mah bhugol padhate hue boli " bachho ye dharti ghoomti hai" ...
ek ooot sa balak baitha tha , tale nah muh kar kah bolya , ... madam kime ghee ghyaa khaa liya karo .. na tah ya dharti nu e ghoomahgi....
bakkal fod
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ek bar mera tau mrye pass aa ky bol arye chorye tum sehar mye rho so sadi ke lye koi band wala karwo. Mye bola tau mye to ja nahee skta aap ke sath. Aap ek kam kro( mainye ek band alye ka naam btya) usky pass chlye jayo.
Tau us band alye ke pass ja ky bola bhai band ka ke bha( rate) hai. Band alla bola tau band ka bhaa( rate )nahee hota. Tau bola bhaa( rate) nahee hota to fer ke Rail hota hai.
Band ally ny soch ku tau ke muh lga wo sidha rate btan lag gy.
band alla bola tau hum agar dhuly hue ( clean ) vardi( dress) my jy gy to rate ho ga 5000 rs.
Or agar esy he mudi tudi or bina press ke vardi my jye gy to rate ho ga = 3000 rs
Or hum bina dress( alag 2 dress ) ke aye gy to rate ho ga =1000
Tau bola bha ( rate) vardi ke uper se to
ye lo = 500 Rs tum KACHCHY 2 (UNDER WEAR)my aa jyo
ek bar mera tau mrye pass aa ky bol arye chorye tum sehar mye rho so sadi ke lye koi band wala karwo. Mye bola tau mye to ja nahee skta aap ke sath. Aap ek kam kro( mainye ek band alye ka naam btya) usky pass chlye jayo.
Tau us band alye ke pass ja ky bola bhai band ka ke bha( rate) hai. Band alla bola tau band ka bhaa( rate )nahee hota. Tau bola bhaa( rate) nahee hota to fer ke Rail hota hai.
Band ally ny soch ku tau ke muh lga wo sidha rate btan lag gy.
band alla bola tau hum agar dhuly hue ( clean ) vardi( dress) my jy gy to rate ho ga 5000 rs.
Or agar esy he mudi tudi or bina press ke vardi my jye gy to rate ho ga = 3000 rs
Or hum bina dress( alag 2 dress ) ke aye gy to rate ho ga =1000
Tau bola bha ( rate) vardi ke uper se to
ye lo = 500 Rs tum KACHCHY 2 (UNDER WEAR)my aa jyo
Desi Manas
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Ek bah kuch haryanvi kalakaar kitte javan the programme karan, raste mah , ek nah tas laag gi, aur wo jukar jhuka kuen me uska Benju,a musical instrument padd gya, Wo bada bahut udaas ho gya. Ar bolya bhagwan ji ya tah badi maadi kari mere gel. Bhagwan ji nah daya aa gi aur parkat ho kah bole .. bol bachha kya chahiye. Desi manas bolya ji maharaj benju pad gya kuen mah khad do, Bhagwan nah haath ghumaaya aur sone ka benju aa gya aur bole le bachha , Desi manas bolya .. maharaj u mera koni. Maharaj mah pher haath ghumaaya ar chandi ka benju aaya, Desimanas bolya maharaaj u bhi mera koni. Tesri bah haath ghumaate hi Laakdi ka benju aaya, Desi manas bolya maharraj , bahut bhala ho , u e mera sah . Bhagwan bole, bachha hum teri imaandaari pah bade parshann hue , jaa tino le jya.
Ek bah kuch haryanvi kalakaar kitte javan the programme karan, raste mah , ek nah tas laag gi, aur wo jukar jhuka kuen me uska Benju,a musical instrument padd gya, Wo bada bahut udaas ho gya. Ar bolya bhagwan ji ya tah badi maadi kari mere gel. Bhagwan ji nah daya aa gi aur parkat ho kah bole .. bol bachha kya chahiye. Desi manas bolya ji maharaj benju pad gya kuen mah khad do, Bhagwan nah haath ghumaaya aur sone ka benju aa gya aur bole le bachha , Desi manas bolya .. maharaj u mera koni. Maharaj mah pher haath ghumaaya ar chandi ka benju aaya, Desimanas bolya maharaaj u bhi mera koni. Tesri bah haath ghumaate hi Laakdi ka benju aaya, Desi manas bolya maharraj , bahut bhala ho , u e mera sah . Bhagwan bole, bachha hum teri imaandaari pah bade parshann hue , jaa tino le jya.
Wo raaji ho kah gharan gaya, uski beer bani boli , ak kiske chor laaya, Wo bolya chaal kuen pah ebe dikha doon.
Wo aapni bahu nah le kah kuen pah chala gya, jab uski bahu jhank kah dekahn laagi uska paan thasal gya aur wa kuen mah padd gi.
Desi manas pher bolya .. maharaj ya ke bani, Bhagwan pher parakat ho ge, Aur bole , kya hua, DesiManas bolya ak ji meri bahu padd gi. Maharaj nah haath ghumaaya ar.. SriDevi filmstar aa gi, Bhagwan bole .. haan bhai ya e teri lugaai sah. Desi manas ghatt tah bolya han ji maharaj ji ya e meri bahu sah.
Wo aapni bahu nah le kah kuen pah chala gya, jab uski bahu jhank kah dekahn laagi uska paan thasal gya aur wa kuen mah padd gi.
Desi manas pher bolya .. maharaj ya ke bani, Bhagwan pher parakat ho ge, Aur bole , kya hua, DesiManas bolya ak ji meri bahu padd gi. Maharaj nah haath ghumaaya ar.. SriDevi filmstar aa gi, Bhagwan bole .. haan bhai ya e teri lugaai sah. Desi manas ghatt tah bolya han ji maharaj ji ya e meri bahu sah.
Bhagwan nkah uthya chho.... wo bole tu tah bada beimaan, sridevi dekhte hi teri neet kharaab ho gi.
Desi manas bolya .. maharaaj .. baat neet ki koni... Mah to aap nah jaanu soon, Jah mah is nah naat jyata, aap doosri bah Madhuri dixit nah kuen mah tah kaadhte, mah us nah bhi naat jyata , pher aap meri aali bhaagwan nah khaadte, ar , pher mah jah kahta ya meri sah , tah aap parassann ho kah tino manah de dete,
Ar maharaaj saachi bataaon..... nere tah ekke bua nah bus mah aati .. mah teen teen ka ke karta.. mera tah maran ka kaam ho jyata...
Desi manas bolya .. maharaaj .. baat neet ki koni... Mah to aap nah jaanu soon, Jah mah is nah naat jyata, aap doosri bah Madhuri dixit
Ar maharaaj saachi bataaon..... nere tah ekke bua nah bus mah aati .. mah teen teen ka ke karta.. mera tah maran ka kaam ho jyata...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Jama - Desi
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ek bah ek school ka inspection tha , inspector aa gya , class mah gaya , boly moniter koon sa sah, ek bolya ji mah ,
Insp bolya yu ke , koi balak line mah nahi baitha , koi dress mah bhi nahi , kisa anushaasan sah yu ,
Wo balak bolya ji , mah monitor koni , monitor tah roti khan ja raha sah. mah chha ki dukan pah kaam karron soon.
Insp kah uthya chho, gaya staff room mah , bolya master ji ye kya bakwas hai , school me koi paudha nahii, koi balak dress mah nahi aur monitor bhi naqli.
Master bolya ji mah master koni, mah tah dangran ka compodar soon ,master tah bayah mah ja raha sah.
Insp gaya pher aakhir mah chho mah aa kah headmaster dhorah, bolya yu ke sah , thare school mah monitor naqli , aur master bhi naqli ........mujhe jawab chahiye...abhi
H.Master bolya , ak ji mah tah bank ka clerk soon ,ar HMaster jya raha sah aapne samdhaane mah.. kade jab wo na aawah tah mah uska kaam chala doon ar kade wo mera kaam chala de, bus nu e kaam chaal rahya sah...
Insp. kah uthya chho. .......bolya .... aaj tham saare ke saare suspend the ............jah mah inspector asli hota tah.
Keep visiting www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for more similar jokes
ek bah ek school ka inspection tha , inspector aa gya , class mah gaya , boly moniter koon sa sah, ek bolya ji mah ,
Insp bolya yu ke , koi balak line mah nahi baitha , koi dress mah bhi nahi , kisa anushaasan sah yu ,
Wo balak bolya ji , mah monitor koni , monitor tah roti khan ja raha sah. mah chha ki dukan pah kaam karron soon.
Insp kah uthya chho, gaya staff room mah , bolya master ji ye kya bakwas hai , school me koi paudha nahii, koi balak dress mah nahi aur monitor bhi naqli.
Master bolya ji mah master koni, mah tah dangran ka compodar soon ,master tah bayah mah ja raha sah.
Insp gaya pher aakhir mah chho mah aa kah headmaster dhorah, bolya yu ke sah , thare school mah monitor naqli , aur master bhi naqli ........mujhe jawab chahiye...abhi
H.Master bolya , ak ji mah tah bank ka clerk soon ,ar HMaster jya raha sah aapne samdhaane mah.. kade jab wo na aawah tah mah uska kaam chala doon ar kade wo mera kaam chala de, bus nu e kaam chaal rahya sah...
Insp. kah uthya chho. .......bolya .... aaj tham saare ke saare suspend the ............jah mah inspector asli hota tah.
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Saraabi Jat
!!
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Ek bei ek jat bhai gahnee pe rahaya tha..Ar ek bitode pe chadhan ki koshish kar rahya tha..Per bechara har baar neeche pad jaa tha...Gaam ke log kathhe hoge aar bole.rei molad tu ke kar rahaya sei.
woh bolya.."Kar ke rahya soon..duniya Chand pe chadgee....main is bitode pe bhi chadhan joga bhi koni key !!"
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Ek bei ek jat bhai gahnee pe rahaya tha..Ar ek bitode pe chadhan ki koshish kar rahya tha..Per bechara har baar neeche pad jaa tha...Gaam ke log kathhe hoge aar bole.rei molad tu ke kar rahaya sei.
woh bolya.."Kar ke rahya soon..duniya Chand pe chadgee....main is bitode pe bhi chadhan joga bhi koni key !!"
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DESI MANAS
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ek bah ek desi manas haryana ka dilli aa gya.
DTC ki bus mah chsd gya. Dilli mah log ticket maagte hue shot me naam bolte hain jaise , kamla market ka kamla bol diya , Cnaught pl ka CP bol diya, maharaani baag ka maharani etc.
WO desi aadmi bhibus mah chadd gya ar log ticket leen laag re the wo bhi paacha si khada ho gya.
ek bhai bolya - ek ticket R.K ki dena (RK Puram) , conductor nah de di,
doosara bolya - ek ticket amar ki dena (amar colony) uske baad aayi ek mahila , wo boli- ek kamla ki dena ( kamla market)
Desi manas kah aa gi samajh mah ak , haadah tah ticket manas ke naam tah devan laag re sain.
Uska bhi number aaya , wo bhi dus ka note khad kah bolya --- k ticket Fatte ke deo.
Conductor bada preshaan -bolya - bhai u fatte kit sah.
Desi manas bolya ---- balya yu khada kamla ke paachah.
ek bah ek desi manas haryana ka dilli aa gya.
DTC ki bus mah chsd gya. Dilli mah log ticket maagte hue shot me naam bolte hain jaise , kamla market ka kamla bol diya , Cnaught pl ka CP bol diya, maharaani baag ka maharani etc.
WO desi aadmi bhibus mah chadd gya ar log ticket leen laag re the wo bhi paacha si khada ho gya.
ek bhai bolya - ek ticket R.K ki dena (RK Puram) , conductor nah de di,
doosara bolya - ek ticket amar ki dena (amar colony) uske baad aayi ek mahila , wo boli- ek kamla ki dena ( kamla market)
Desi manas kah aa gi samajh mah ak , haadah tah ticket manas ke naam tah devan laag re sain.
Uska bhi number aaya , wo bhi dus ka note khad kah bolya --- k ticket Fatte ke deo.
Conductor bada preshaan -bolya - bhai u fatte kit sah.
Desi manas bolya ---- balya yu khada kamla ke paachah.
Aankh daan
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ek bah .. ek gaam mah the 2 daroo baaj, saara din daaru pite rahte.. ek din din mah donu theke pah tah talli ho kah aavan laag rahe the.. raah mah ek saraabi bolya..aan bhai haam bahut bhunde... koi aacha kaam nahi karte.....
Dusara bolya .. haan bhai haam tah kati lichad haan , koi aacha kaam nahi karte .. saari haan daaru leen jaavan saan.
donu .. chale jaan the .. rah mah aa gya hospital , aur us pah likh raakhya tha "Netar daan maha daan"
Sharabian kah aagi baat samajh mah .... ak aankh daan maha daan, ek bolya aan rah aa jya aaj ek aacha kaam kar dyan .. aank daan kar dian. doosara bolya .. pher dekhah ga kukar, pahla bolya .. ar mare paacha khaad lenege, pher tah saara gaat bhakad bhakad jalna sai , mhare ke kaam aavangi.
Dono pahoonchege, CMO office, ar bole ak aank daan karni sain. CMO nah bithaye. cha paani ki poochi,
Sharrabi bole, pahlain kuch humaari sharat hai ..conditions, CMO bolya bolo,
Sharaabi bole...ek kaagaj pah ye saari baat likho..
1. Sharaab bahut aachi cheez sah
2. Sharaabi bahut aache hote hain.
3. Humare tah acha koi aadmi nahi
4. .....................bla bla
CMO nah saari baat ek kaagaj pah likh di
aakhir mah ek saraabi jiskah ghani chadd rahi thi bolya
.....datio datio ... doctor sahab... ek baat tah rahe gi...
Doctor bolya wa ke
Sharaabi >.....doctor sahab ya baat bhi likh do ......ak jis bhi susre kah mhari ye aankh chadaingi na ... us nah bata deo .. ak ek bottle piye bina jama nahi khulaingi.....
Keep visitng www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for more similar jokes.
ek bah .. ek gaam mah the 2 daroo baaj, saara din daaru pite rahte.. ek din din mah donu theke pah tah talli ho kah aavan laag rahe the.. raah mah ek saraabi bolya..aan bhai haam bahut bhunde... koi aacha kaam nahi karte.....
Dusara bolya .. haan bhai haam tah kati lichad haan , koi aacha kaam nahi karte .. saari haan daaru leen jaavan saan.
donu .. chale jaan the .. rah mah aa gya hospital , aur us pah likh raakhya tha "Netar daan maha daan"
Sharabian kah aagi baat samajh mah .... ak aankh daan maha daan, ek bolya aan rah aa jya aaj ek aacha kaam kar dyan .. aank daan kar dian. doosara bolya .. pher dekhah ga kukar, pahla bolya .. ar mare paacha khaad lenege, pher tah saara gaat bhakad bhakad jalna sai , mhare ke kaam aavangi.
Dono pahoonchege, CMO office, ar bole ak aank daan karni sain. CMO nah bithaye. cha paani ki poochi,
Sharrabi bole, pahlain kuch humaari sharat hai ..conditions, CMO bolya bolo,
Sharaabi bole...ek kaagaj pah ye saari baat likho..
1. Sharaab bahut aachi cheez sah
2. Sharaabi bahut aache hote hain.
3. Humare tah acha koi aadmi nahi
4. .....................bla bla
CMO nah saari baat ek kaagaj pah likh di
aakhir mah ek saraabi jiskah ghani chadd rahi thi bolya
.....datio datio ... doctor sahab... ek baat tah rahe gi...
Doctor bolya wa ke
Sharaabi >.....doctor sahab ya baat bhi likh do ......ak jis bhi susre kah mhari ye aankh chadaingi na ... us nah bata deo .. ak ek bottle piye bina jama nahi khulaingi.....
Keep visitng www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for more similar jokes.
Shiv Ji
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Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
Shivji khush hue ..Prakat hue .Bole..puttar maang maang.. kya chahiye tujhey !Bakth utha ... bola shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do!Shivji bole kaisa gadha hai?Unhone kaha puttar tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai.kuch bada maang !Wo fir bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do !Shivji ne phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang!Par wo to ada hi hua tha. bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi
do!Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu kuch aur maang. guitar na maang ..Wo bola nai nai nai !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye.Ab Shivji gussey main aa gaye ..boley , gadhhe agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta ???
Keep visiting www.bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for similar jokes
Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
Shivji khush hue ..Prakat hue .Bole..puttar maang maang.. kya chahiye tujhey !Bakth utha ... bola shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do!Shivji bole kaisa gadha hai?Unhone kaha puttar tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai.kuch bada maang !Wo fir bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do !Shivji ne phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang!Par wo to ada hi hua tha. bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi
do!Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu kuch aur maang. guitar na maang ..Wo bola nai nai nai !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye.Ab Shivji gussey main aa gaye ..boley , gadhhe agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta ???
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Athanni(50 Paise)
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Ek bai ek aadmi bujha( to know his future) padaan chala gaya. To baba ji bolya "baccha tere pai to shani ki drashti hai jo tera nuksaan kar rahi hai. Aur bhaviyshaye main bhi bahut nuksaan hone ki aashanka hai". To woh aadmi bolya baba ji koi illaj bataao.
Baba ji bole "baccha 101 Rs lagenge illaj ho jaayega".
Aadmi bolya baba ji 101 rs to konya.
Baba ji bolye accha baccha 51 rs de do shayad kuch yajj vagarah se kaam ban jaaye. aadmi bolya 51 bhi konya.
Baba ji bole accha baccha 11 rs de de kuch prashaad baant denge shayad kuch baat ban jaaye.
aadmi Bolya 11 bhi koni mere dhore to.
Baba ji bolye acha baccha 50 paise to honge chaye pine ke liye. Aadmi bolya 50 paise bhi konya babaji.
Baba ji bole" Ja baccha ash kar tu tera nahin Shani devta bhi kuch bigaad sakte".
Ek bai ek aadmi bujha( to know his future) padaan chala gaya. To baba ji bolya "baccha tere pai to shani ki drashti hai jo tera nuksaan kar rahi hai. Aur bhaviyshaye main bhi bahut nuksaan hone ki aashanka hai". To woh aadmi bolya baba ji koi illaj bataao.
Baba ji bole "baccha 101 Rs lagenge illaj ho jaayega".
Aadmi bolya baba ji 101 rs to konya.
Baba ji bolye accha baccha 51 rs de do shayad kuch yajj vagarah se kaam ban jaaye. aadmi bolya 51 bhi konya.
Baba ji bole accha baccha 11 rs de de kuch prashaad baant denge shayad kuch baat ban jaaye.
aadmi Bolya 11 bhi koni mere dhore to.
Baba ji bolye acha baccha 50 paise to honge chaye pine ke liye. Aadmi bolya 50 paise bhi konya babaji.
Baba ji bole" Ja baccha ash kar tu tera nahin Shani devta bhi kuch bigaad sakte".
ANGREJ
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Baat hui nu ak , ek din ek angrej aa gya Rohtak mah , ar fal fruit khreedan chala gya , Dukaandar tha desi aadmi 5-7 class padh rahya tha.
Angrej gaya uski dukaan mah ar haath mah aamb le kah bolya "what is this" Dukaandaar bhi maada samajah gaya aur bolya Mangio, Yu aamb sah.
Angrej bolys , this is very small, humaare desh me bahut bada bada aamb milta.
Dukaandaar chupp
Pher angrej nah tha liya Santra , aur bolya " what is this" Dukandaar bolya , yu hai santra
Angrej pher bolya this is very small , Humaare desh me bahut bade bade orange milte hain.
Dukandaar chupp.
Angrej anh pher tha liya Kela ar bolya what is this, Dukaan daar bolya Kela Angrej bolya "This is very smaal" Humaare desh me bahut bada bada banana milta.
Dukaandaar bhaaj kah aapni dukaan mah badd gya aur sab tah bada tarbooj tha laaya...Ar bolya angrej tah .... Balya dekh , yu sah mahre desh ka Angroor ar jah thare desh mah is tah badda ho tah bata diye......
Baat hui nu ak , ek din ek angrej aa gya Rohtak mah , ar fal fruit khreedan chala gya , Dukaandar tha desi aadmi 5-7 class padh rahya tha.
Angrej gaya uski dukaan mah ar haath mah aamb
Angrej bolys , this is very small, humaare desh me bahut bada bada aamb milta.
Dukaandaar chupp
Pher angrej nah tha liya Santra , aur bolya " what is this" Dukandaar bolya , yu hai santra
Angrej pher bolya this is very small , Humaare desh me bahut bade bade orange milte hain.
Dukandaar chupp.
Angrej anh pher tha liya Kela
Dukaandaar bhaaj kah aapni dukaan mah badd gya aur sab tah bada tarbooj tha laaya...Ar bolya angrej tah .... Balya dekh , yu sah mahre desh ka Angroor
Tau Gaya Football Match dekhan!
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Eeb bhai, ek Tau chala gaya Footbaal ka match pehle baar dekhan... Match ki seeti saathae-saath game bhi theek chalo ho gaya er saare khiladi ball liye aage-paache bhajan laag gae!!!....
Thodi aan to tau dekhta raha field pae afra-tafree, per jad ghani daer ho li aer usnae bera konya paata yo saare khiladi kyalein dukhi ho re sain...to uste raha na gaya aer us nae apnae saath aale se poochi, "Re choore, batiye to zara, yo saare manas karna kae chaave sain?" ....
Saath aala bhai bolya, "Re Tau, wa baal jo deekhe hai nae,... yo saare Khilaadi usnae le goal karna chavein sain, ....samgha kae?"
Tau eeb cho mein aker bolya, "Re kyalein bekoof banave sai boodhe ne, choore...mein kae aandha sun?.....Ya paher tere yo saare khiladi baawle ho re sain, wa to pehle tae 'gol' hi na hai!?!"
Eeb bhai, ek Tau chala gaya Footbaal ka match pehle baar dekhan... Match ki seeti saathae-saath game bhi theek chalo ho gaya er saare khiladi ball liye aage-paache bhajan laag gae!!!....
Thodi aan to tau dekhta raha field pae afra-tafree, per jad ghani daer ho li aer usnae bera konya paata yo saare khiladi kyalein dukhi ho re sain...to uste raha na gaya aer us nae apnae saath aale se poochi, "Re choore, batiye to zara, yo saare manas karna kae chaave sain?" ....
Saath aala bhai bolya, "Re Tau, wa baal jo deekhe hai nae,... yo saare Khilaadi usnae le goal karna chavein sain, ....samgha kae?"
Tau eeb cho mein aker bolya, "Re kyalein bekoof banave sai boodhe ne, choore...mein kae aandha sun?.....Ya paher tere yo saare khiladi baawle ho re sain, wa to pehle tae 'gol' hi na hai!?!"
Head Master ke rule
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Ek baar ek school mai ek ae peshabkhana tha lekin balak usme bhi peshab karne naa jaate. Saare diwar ki taraf moohn karte or peshab karne laag jaate.
Ek din head master ne parathna me sabko kaha ki koi bhi ladka diwar ke pas peshab nahin karega or agar eisa karte paayaa gaaya to usko pakad kar peshabkhane me choda jaayegaa.
Lekin peshab khana ek hi tha es se kuch master abhi bhi peshabkhane me jaane ki baajaaye abhi bhi diwar ke pass peshab karte the.
Ek din Headmaster bhi gaya..diwar ki taraff moohn kiya or peshab karke vapis jaavan laagyaa.
Raldu dekhai tha err jaise hi lagyaa ki head master gayaa jaat uthaa err diwar ke pass peshab karne laagyaa.
Head master ka dhyan jaande jaande us pai pad gayaa.
Head master ne jatt Raldu ko bulaya...err kaha....kyoon Raldu diwar ke pass peshab karne se manaa kiya tha phir wahan kyon gayaa.
Raldu nai sidha sadha javab diya..masterji aap bhi to abhi wahin peshab kar ke aaye the.
Head master nai bahana doonda eerr bolya..main to head master hoon.
Raldu bolya...masterji headmaster hovan tain ke peshab main tain kushboo aavan laag jaa sai.
Ek baar ek school mai ek ae peshabkhana tha lekin balak usme bhi peshab karne naa jaate. Saare diwar ki taraf moohn karte or peshab karne laag jaate.
Ek din head master ne parathna me sabko kaha ki koi bhi ladka diwar ke pas peshab nahin karega or agar eisa karte paayaa gaaya to usko pakad kar peshabkhane me choda jaayegaa.
Lekin peshab khana ek hi tha es se kuch master abhi bhi peshabkhane me jaane ki baajaaye abhi bhi diwar ke pass peshab karte the.
Ek din Headmaster bhi gaya..diwar ki taraff moohn kiya or peshab karke vapis jaavan laagyaa.
Raldu dekhai tha err jaise hi lagyaa ki head master gayaa jaat uthaa err diwar ke pass peshab karne laagyaa.
Head master ka dhyan jaande jaande us pai pad gayaa.
Head master ne jatt Raldu ko bulaya...err kaha....kyoon Raldu diwar ke pass peshab karne se manaa kiya tha phir wahan kyon gayaa.
Raldu nai sidha sadha javab diya..masterji aap bhi to abhi wahin peshab kar ke aaye the.
Head master nai bahana doonda eerr bolya..main to head master hoon.
Raldu bolya...masterji headmaster hovan tain ke peshab main tain kushboo aavan laag jaa sai.
Utar Le Gya
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Ek bar Ghughu ar Jhandu rail main bath kite jaave the, ar doonowa ne kasooti pi rakhi thi, Rah main kise ne rail ki chain kheech di ar rail jungle main rukhgi.
Ghughu ar jhandu rail te neeche utar ke aaye, ar Jhandu neeche ne dekh kye bolya, " Ghughu maane to isa lagya se ak rail main puncher ho gya".
Ghughu ne us ke ek thappad marya ar bolya bekkuff dikhda koni koi is ke tyre tube e utar le gya.
Ek bar Ghughu ar Jhandu rail main bath kite jaave the, ar doonowa ne kasooti pi rakhi thi, Rah main kise ne rail ki chain kheech di ar rail jungle main rukhgi.
Ghughu ar jhandu rail te neeche utar ke aaye, ar Jhandu neeche ne dekh kye bolya, " Ghughu maane to isa lagya se ak rail main puncher ho gya".
Ghughu ne us ke ek thappad marya ar bolya bekkuff dikhda koni koi is ke tyre tube e utar le gya.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Rajnikant
Rajnikant once taught a child how to play lukka chuppi............
Today that child is known as Osama Bin Laden.............
Today that child is known as Osama Bin Laden.............
numberdaar
Ek bai k hoya k ek gaam mai ek numberdaar mar gya....
arr 4-5 chhorre the uskai..
wo chhota chhora kehan laag gya...Maa...ibb numberdaar kon banega..
Maa nu boli k ibb bhai wo Amar singh ban jyaga..
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai
......Maa::: fer phoole ban jyaga...
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai...
Maa::: tai fer chatru ban jyaga...
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai...
Maa::: dhed..kanne...Tyaun.....chahe saara gaam mar jao....par tu na bane...
arr 4-5 chhorre the uskai..
wo chhota chhora kehan laag gya...Maa...ibb numberdaar kon banega..
Maa nu boli k ibb bhai wo Amar singh ban jyaga..
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai
......Maa::: fer phoole ban jyaga...
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai...
Maa::: tai fer chatru ban jyaga...
chhora::: ak wo bhi mar gya tai...
Maa::: dhed..kanne...Tyaun.....chahe saara gaam mar jao....par tu na bane...
cycle
bhai ak b ak jaatan ka chora cycle liye jan lag rya tha ar raste m ak shahar ki chori aan lag ri thi ar chore n cycle us k mah a mar di ..... chori boli- baddtmizzzz !!! ghanti nhi mar skta tha kya ??? chora bolya - are jhkon !! puri cycle a thook diiiiii.... ghanti ki or kasar rah gi kkkk ???
Fashion
Ek bai ek tau sehar ghuman chaal gya...aaye paache gaam aale bujhan laage rr tau sehar gaya tha kuch bata to sehar mai k hove sh....Tau b kaati utt tha...chhutta e nu bolya..k bhai fashion mai maari gai aaj kaal ki navi chhurid tai...lo sun...... lyo....
sehar mai to k chaale sh..cutting karwa legi..saliya k baal padwa legi...jeans ki pant pehar legi janu kassi k binte mai took de rakhi ho...upar ek yo landa sa top pehar le hai..bus ka danda pakde jibb sundi dikhai arr fer AAUCH!!!...manne tai keh di k nichche nai kar le isnai..skin tight jeans pehrai sh ve...skin tight jeans pehre pai paachha isa laage janu baste mai tai kitab kaadh rakhi sh...patli patli taang dikkhai janu 22 k bundle meein 2 e bidi reh ri hai......yo fashion sh sehar ki chhoriyan ka...
sehar mai to k chaale sh..cutting karwa legi..saliya k baal padwa legi...jeans ki pant pehar legi janu kassi k binte mai took de rakhi ho...upar ek yo landa sa top pehar le hai..bus ka danda pakde jibb sundi dikhai arr fer AAUCH!!!...manne tai keh di k nichche nai kar le isnai..skin tight jeans pehrai sh ve...skin tight jeans pehre pai paachha isa laage janu baste mai tai kitab kaadh rakhi sh...patli patli taang dikkhai janu 22 k bundle meein 2 e bidi reh ri hai......yo fashion sh sehar ki chhoriyan ka...
saasu
Ek baar ek moda bheekh mangta hoya ek ghar mein gaya .Us ghar mein ek bahu aur sasu rahya karti ar sasu kasooti ladni thee saare din bahu ke jee na kara karein rakhya karti.woh moda bolya mai ghalye kime. wa bahu boli ek mode meri sasu koni... aade wahe ghalegi aake. Woh moda chal padya ghar te likdya-e tha ek itne mein sasu aa gi wah boli "re mode ke karae tha" Moda Bolya ek mai mangta hoon mangan aaya tha Wah poochan lagi ek kime milya ek nahi woh bolya ek mai wa manne nat gi ek pache aiye. Wah boli ek wah natan aali koon ho gi chal meri gelya.Wah bhudia gharan pahunchi er boli "Aan he tanne is mode ke ghalan tein kisa naat diya .teri himmat kyukar hoyi is tein natan ki.Tu natan aali kun hogi mein natungi .
AARE MODE BHAJ JYA ADE TEIN ER AAGE TEIN AIYE BHI NAA
AARE MODE BHAJ JYA ADE TEIN ER AAGE TEIN AIYE BHI NAA
naada kit baandhegi
ek baar ek gam main saang hon laag raha tha,
to bhai ud ek saangi sunan laaga,
uski kamar itni patli ki mano hai hi nahi,
pher hat kaii baol bhai, uski kamar itni patli mano hai hi nahi......
ek baar kahi, do baar kahi, teen baar kahi....
...ud bhai teju jisa chora betha tha .
paatda e bola......
teri bua naada kit baandgi kamar e konya to.........
to bhai ud ek saangi sunan laaga,
uski kamar itni patli ki mano hai hi nahi,
pher hat kaii baol bhai, uski kamar itni patli mano hai hi nahi......
ek baar kahi, do baar kahi, teen baar kahi....
...ud bhai teju jisa chora betha tha .
paatda e bola......
teri bua naada kit baandgi kamar e konya to.........
Angreji
Ek Bar Kuch Angrez Ek Gaon Main Aaye Or Gaon Walo Se Angrezi Main Baat Karne Lage, Gaon Walon Ki Samajh Main Kuch Na Aaya To Une Dhyan Aaya Ki Surje Jat Ka Chora Rundhe Angrezi Ka Student Hai Or Phir Unhone Baat Karne Ke Liye Use ...Bula Liya Or Is Tarah Se Chore Hokar Bath Gaye Jaise Prime Minister Ki Baat Sunenge.
Angrez:- Ok Man , V R Here To Buy Some Land, Can You Translate This To These People
Chora:- To The Principal........................sick Leave Ki Application Bina Chu Huye Sunane Laga
Angrezo Ne Gusse Main Aakar Usko Do Char Thappar Mar Kar Chale Gaye
Unke Jane Ke Bad Gaon Walo Ne Ladke Ko Gher Kar Pucha Ki Woh Log Tujhe Maar Kyo Rahe The Tane Angrezi Galat Boli Thi Kya?
Nahi Chora Bola Woh Kah Rahe The Ki Itni Achi Angrezi Bolte Ho Humare Sath Chal Kar Hume Sikhao Par Maine Mana Kar Diya Isliye Choo Main The
Angrez:- Ok Man , V R Here To Buy Some Land, Can You Translate This To These People
Chora:- To The Principal........................sick Leave Ki Application Bina Chu Huye Sunane Laga
Angrezo Ne Gusse Main Aakar Usko Do Char Thappar Mar Kar Chale Gaye
Unke Jane Ke Bad Gaon Walo Ne Ladke Ko Gher Kar Pucha Ki Woh Log Tujhe Maar Kyo Rahe The Tane Angrezi Galat Boli Thi Kya?
Nahi Chora Bola Woh Kah Rahe The Ki Itni Achi Angrezi Bolte Ho Humare Sath Chal Kar Hume Sikhao Par Maine Mana Kar Diya Isliye Choo Main The
tau learning english
Ek be ek tau angreji seekhan laag gaya . Pehle din une dinner word seekh liya. Aagle din tadke tadk tau daliya khave tha ar masterji aa gaye . Puchha tau What are you doing .
tau bhi phatde si bola Dinner .
Master - tau dinner te raat ka khana ho se.
Tau - bhai yo daliya bhi jab raat ka ae bach raha se
tau bhi phatde si bola Dinner .
Master - tau dinner te raat ka khana ho se.
Tau - bhai yo daliya bhi jab raat ka ae bach raha se
Sharabi again
ek naya -naya sharaabi paak gaya,, aur thekey pey chala gaya,,,,, jaakey bolya ek royal stag ki botttaal de de,,usney dekhya ,, akk, thekey key aagey bhidey -bhiedey sariyey {at service window} laag rahey theyy
sharabi to thekey aala,,>>>> bhai, ya bottal ,,,,en sariyaan mein tey likard ja gi ????
thekey aala >> bawli ta...rerd,,,,,,, ya to ek bottal sey,,, en sariyaan mein tey to logaaan key 50 -50 KILLEY likaard liye
sharabi to thekey aala,,>>>> bhai, ya bottal ,,,,en sariyaan mein tey likard ja gi ????
thekey aala >> bawli ta...rerd,,,,,,, ya to ek bottal sey,,, en sariyaan mein tey to logaaan key 50 -50 KILLEY likaard liye
Thursday, January 13, 2011
trademark
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Ek baar ek Halwai jalebi baane maine bhut expert baan gaya. Us ki dukan pe kub log aya karte jalebi khan.Halwai ne socha kyo nahi business to badaya jaye. Usne apni ak dukan england maine ja kar khol di aur jalebi ka naam rakha ROUND ROUND STOP.
Ek din ek angrej dukan per aya aur bola,"Hey, give me one kg of round round stop".
Halwai ne jaldi si jalebi toli aur dey di. Thodi hi derbad wahi angrej hath maine kuch liye huai wapis dukan pe aaya aur bola," Hey nonsense, what is this, hair is found in your round round stop".
Halwai ne socha kaise bacha jaye aur bola," Sir, actually this is trademark of our company, if you did not find this here, it means round round stop are not good."
Angrej chala gaya, phir kafi dino bad ak din phir dukan par aaya aur bola," Give me 250 gms of round round stop".
Halwai ne jalebi de di, angrej wahi par khane laga bade dhyan se. Jab jalebi khatam hogayi to gaya halwai ke pass aur khanlaga," you make me foolish, you did not give good round round stop to me".
Halwai ne pocha,"How can you say that".
Angrej bola," There was no trademark in this".
Halwai khanlaga, " bahi sun, u paiya-paiya jalebi ke saath trademark denlaga to maine to bhut jaldi ganja ho jayuga"
Ek baar ek Halwai jalebi baane maine bhut expert baan gaya. Us ki dukan pe kub log aya karte jalebi khan.Halwai ne socha kyo nahi business to badaya jaye. Usne apni ak dukan england maine ja kar khol di aur jalebi ka naam rakha ROUND ROUND STOP.
Ek din ek angrej dukan per aya aur bola,"Hey, give me one kg of round round stop".
Halwai ne jaldi si jalebi toli aur dey di. Thodi hi derbad wahi angrej hath maine kuch liye huai wapis dukan pe aaya aur bola," Hey nonsense, what is this, hair is found in your round round stop".
Halwai ne socha kaise bacha jaye aur bola," Sir, actually this is trademark of our company, if you did not find this here, it means round round stop are not good."
Angrej chala gaya, phir kafi dino bad ak din phir dukan par aaya aur bola," Give me 250 gms of round round stop".
Halwai ne jalebi de di, angrej wahi par khane laga bade dhyan se. Jab jalebi khatam hogayi to gaya halwai ke pass aur khanlaga," you make me foolish, you did not give good round round stop to me".
Halwai ne pocha,"How can you say that".
Angrej bola," There was no trademark in this".
Halwai khanlaga, " bahi sun, u paiya-paiya jalebi ke saath trademark denlaga to maine to bhut jaldi ganja ho jayuga"
Ganda Joke
Chupke se Pdna ye Ganda joke hai.
Ok
1 Ldki Raat Ko Apne BoyFrnd se MiLne Jati hai Pr
...
Raste Me Wo GATAR me gir Jati hai.
Chi-Chi..
kitna Ganda joke..
Ok
1 Ldki Raat Ko Apne BoyFrnd se MiLne Jati hai Pr
...
Raste Me Wo GATAR me gir Jati hai.
Chi-Chi..
kitna Ganda joke..
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
* Train *
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Ak bai ak Taau rail mai safar karai tha.By chance us din TT rail mai chadh gya oooor.
Taau ke paas aakai bolya.
TT :- Taau tiket dikha.
Taau ne tiket dikha di......TT bolya Taau ya tiket to puraani hai.........
Taau bolya :- bhai Rail kunsa nayi hai.
Ak bai ak Taau rail mai safar karai tha.By chance us din TT rail mai chadh gya oooor.
Taau ke paas aakai bolya.
TT :- Taau tiket dikha.
Taau ne tiket dikha di......TT bolya Taau ya tiket to puraani hai.........
Taau bolya :- bhai Rail kunsa nayi hai.
Future Tense
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"Lalu ne chaara khaya hai." Iska Future Tense Banao, Master ne class te Kaha.
Raldu Bola "Laloo ab dhood den laag raha hai,"
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Keep visiting bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for more similar jokes.
We come up with new jokes here almost everyday.
"Lalu ne chaara khaya hai." Iska Future Tense Banao, Master ne class te Kaha.
Raldu Bola "Laloo ab dhood den laag raha hai,"
Click on the f button below to share it with your facebook friends
Keep visiting bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.com for more similar jokes.
We come up with new jokes here almost everyday.
Marda hoya Mirza
MaRdA hOya MirZa boL PeYa...?
!
!!
!!!
!!
......?
?
VeeR bAnKe HoSpitaL tA le jo agGe To ni cHHerDa Didi Nu. :-
!
!!
!!!
!!
......?
?
VeeR bAnKe HoSpitaL tA le jo agGe To ni cHHerDa Didi Nu. :-
katrina kaif ka bacha
Santa-kal maine sapna dekha ki main katrina kaif ke ghar me paida hua hu
Banta-phir kya hua
Santa-Yaar kismat he kharab hai sali botal se dodh pila rahi thi.
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Banta-phir kya hua
Santa-Yaar kismat he kharab hai sali botal se dodh pila rahi thi.
click on f button to share this joke on facebook
prakash
Phone rings
tring..tring
tring..tring
...
1st: Hello Prakash hai..?
2nd: Nahi hai.
1st: NAhi hai to MOMBATTI jala lo...Ho jayega.
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tring..tring
tring..tring
...
1st: Hello Prakash hai..?
2nd: Nahi hai.
1st: NAhi hai to MOMBATTI jala lo...Ho jayega.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2011
confused sasu
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ek beh ek aadmi ki taant ke oopper oopper ke baal udgay er nichey nichey ke saida meh rehgay. dhadhi bhi ryakh rakhi thi. woh apani sasurad meh gaya to uski sasu bolli - re beta tera nue nah bera paat tah ke tu aaweh se ke jaaweh se.(haryanvi 2011)
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ek beh ek aadmi ki taant ke oopper oopper ke baal udgay er nichey nichey ke saida meh rehgay. dhadhi bhi ryakh rakhi thi. woh apani sasurad meh gaya to uski sasu bolli - re beta tera nue nah bera paat tah ke tu aaweh se ke jaaweh se.(haryanvi 2011)
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fhuuk diya
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Ek b ek janet jiman laag rahi thi.
thoda-thoda andhera tha.
jimawaniya jaldi-jaldi lagy raha tha.
ladoo..............jalebi.................puri.... ..........saag................
saag ka naam aya to ek ganje tau ka ruka ayya.
bhai thoda sa saag ghal de....
saag aala gaya, andhera tha hi, usne chamach
bhar k tau ke sar pe ghal diya
tau chillaya....... fukkk diya k kar rahya..... ssss.
jimawaniya bolya jib plate n itni unche kyon utha raha tha.
Click on the f button below the jokes to share it on facebook
Ek b ek janet jiman laag rahi thi.
thoda-thoda andhera tha.
jimawaniya jaldi-jaldi lagy raha tha.
ladoo..............jalebi.................puri.... ..........saag................
saag ka naam aya to ek ganje tau ka ruka ayya.
bhai thoda sa saag ghal de....
saag aala gaya, andhera tha hi, usne chamach
bhar k tau ke sar pe ghal diya
tau chillaya....... fukkk diya k kar rahya..... ssss.
jimawaniya bolya jib plate n itni unche kyon utha raha tha.
Click on the f button below the jokes to share it on facebook
Chetu Halwai
--
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Ek baar ek goan main Ramlila ho rahi thi aur ravan bimar pada gaya. To ravan ke role ke liye goan wale ek halwai ko pakad laye. halwai ka naam tha chetu halwai...... Chetu halwai goan ka bilkul hi sidha-sadha aur darpok kisam ka aadmi tha.......
Jab ramlila shuru ho jaati hai to Bhagwan shri ram jee ravan ke pass ja kar unchi awaz main bolten hain..
Ram: Tum koan ho...
Ravan: (Darta hua) Main huun Lanka pati Ravan
Aur Ram jee wapis chale jaate hai uske baad Lakshman jee aa gaye aur bolten hain..
Lakshman: Tum koan ho....
Ravan: (Darta hua) Main huun lankapati ravan..
Aur lakshan bhee wapis chale jaate hai aur phir bajrang bali aa jaate hai aur apni gaada ravan ke taraf uthakar bolte hai....
Bajrang bali:Tum koan ho...
Ravan Darta hua) ...jeeee main chetu halwai...
Bajrangbali: Sita kahan hai....
Ravan: Jeeee parde ke pichche baithi bidi pee rahi se ...
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Ek baar ek goan main Ramlila ho rahi thi aur ravan bimar pada gaya. To ravan ke role ke liye goan wale ek halwai ko pakad laye. halwai ka naam tha chetu halwai...... Chetu halwai goan ka bilkul hi sidha-sadha aur darpok kisam ka aadmi tha.......
Jab ramlila shuru ho jaati hai to Bhagwan shri ram jee ravan ke pass ja kar unchi awaz main bolten hain..
Ram: Tum koan ho...
Ravan: (Darta hua) Main huun Lanka pati Ravan
Aur Ram jee wapis chale jaate hai uske baad Lakshman jee aa gaye aur bolten hain..
Lakshman: Tum koan ho....
Ravan: (Darta hua) Main huun lankapati ravan..
Aur lakshan bhee wapis chale jaate hai aur phir bajrang bali aa jaate hai aur apni gaada ravan ke taraf uthakar bolte hai....
Bajrang bali:Tum koan ho...
Ravan Darta hua) ...jeeee main chetu halwai...
Bajrangbali: Sita kahan hai....
Ravan: Jeeee parde ke pichche baithi bidi pee rahi se ...
log (the men)
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ek bar ek tau bus mein khada tha. us ke dhore do chori bethi thee.unka stop aya to dono utran lagi tabe unne dhyan aya ke unka stop aage hai.ve dono ulti apni seat pe aagi itme mein tau seat pe baith ga.wo seat ladies ke liye reserve thi. to dono chori boli tau ye seat hum logon ki hai. tau uren paren dekhen laga. chori phir boli tau ye seat hum logon ki hai. tau ne pher bhi na suni.
chori teesri baar boli to tau bolya TUM HAI LOG HO TO HUM BAWLEIN JO MUCHHAAN KA BHAROTA THAYEN HANDE HAI.
ek bar ek tau bus mein khada tha. us ke dhore do chori bethi thee.unka stop aya to dono utran lagi tabe unne dhyan aya ke unka stop aage hai.ve dono ulti apni seat pe aagi itme mein tau seat pe baith ga.wo seat ladies ke liye reserve thi. to dono chori boli tau ye seat hum logon ki hai. tau uren paren dekhen laga. chori phir boli tau ye seat hum logon ki hai. tau ne pher bhi na suni.
chori teesri baar boli to tau bolya TUM HAI LOG HO TO HUM BAWLEIN JO MUCHHAAN KA BHAROTA THAYEN HANDE HAI.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
chwani ki mol a dede
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ek b ek JAT susral gaya.
arr uski sasu ghanni kanjoos thi.
wo jib bhi ja to sasu roti dede chattani aur payaj k sath aur chattani main ghanni mirch.
Aur jit wo baitha karta udye ek boora ki bori bhi dhari thi.
par sasu boora na ghalay.
eisa-eisa kai bar hoya.
jib ek b roti khan lag raha tha to uska muh ghhanna kasuta jal gaya to bori ki taraf hath kar k bolya.....
"sasu ji chawani ki mol a dede"
ek b ek JAT susral gaya.
arr uski sasu ghanni kanjoos thi.
wo jib bhi ja to sasu roti dede chattani aur payaj k sath aur chattani main ghanni mirch.
Aur jit wo baitha karta udye ek boora ki bori bhi dhari thi.
par sasu boora na ghalay.
eisa-eisa kai bar hoya.
jib ek b roti khan lag raha tha to uska muh ghhanna kasuta jal gaya to bori ki taraf hath kar k bolya.....
"sasu ji chawani ki mol a dede"
------------------------- Eb bhi to bachh raha hun--
-------------
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Ek b ek janet jiman lag rahi thi sab ki patal(plate) main ladoo dharre the.
par ek tau bachh gaya.
woh sab ke muh ki taraf dekhta raha....ghanni var holi.........
jib tau nahi ruk saka ......to chhat (roof) ki taraf muh kar k bolya.
Ram kare ya chhat pad jya....................... arr sare mar ja.
Ek bolya tau tun kyukar bachhaga...........
..."tau bolya........ eb bhi to bachh raha hun".
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Ek b ek janet jiman lag rahi thi sab ki patal(plate) main ladoo dharre the.
par ek tau bachh gaya.
woh sab ke muh ki taraf dekhta raha....ghanni var holi.........
jib tau nahi ruk saka ......to chhat (roof) ki taraf muh kar k bolya.
Ram kare ya chhat pad jya....................... arr sare mar ja.
Ek bolya tau tun kyukar bachhaga...........
..."tau bolya........ eb bhi to bachh raha hun".
Saturday, January 8, 2011
DTC Bus
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ek be ek tau DTC ki bus me chadda or khali seat dekh ke bethga. uske baju vali seat pe ek madam bethi thi, usne angreji me kuch bolya, tau ke samajh nahi aaya or betha rha.Thodi der me madam ka husband aagya or tau te bolya, ya meri seat se, mane is pe rumal dhar rakha se or ya meri gharwali se, aap uthlo. Ib tau ke samajh me aaya, par manana to tha ni, tau uste bolya " rumal rakhne se seat teri ho javegi ke, pher to me bhi aapni chaddar teri gharvali pe rakh dunga, wa to meri ho javegi"
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ek be ek tau DTC ki bus me chadda or khali seat dekh ke bethga. uske baju vali seat pe ek madam bethi thi, usne angreji me kuch bolya, tau ke samajh nahi aaya or betha rha.Thodi der me madam ka husband aagya or tau te bolya, ya meri seat se, mane is pe rumal dhar rakha se or ya meri gharwali se, aap uthlo. Ib tau ke samajh me aaya, par manana to tha ni, tau uste bolya " rumal rakhne se seat teri ho javegi ke, pher to me bhi aapni chaddar teri gharvali pe rakh dunga, wa to meri ho javegi"
Master laag jaandaa.........
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Ek baar Nathu baalakaan nai padaawai tha ek baalako viagyanik nu kah sai ek gaawdi(cow) ka taaza doodh peen tai deemag tez ho sai. Uski baat sun kai Sundu bolya ji rehan do kyon baihkow ho jai issi baat hondi tai "Maaraa bachdaa kad ka master laag liya honda".
Ek baar Nathu baalakaan nai padaawai tha ek baalako viagyanik nu kah sai ek gaawdi(cow) ka taaza doodh peen tai deemag tez ho sai. Uski baat sun kai Sundu bolya ji rehan do kyon baihkow ho jai issi baat hondi tai "Maaraa bachdaa kad ka master laag liya honda".
------------------------------------------------------------------------ ek chatri ki taidi bohot _____________________________
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ek bar ek tau , khadya tha bus stand pe, ghani der hogi koi bus na aayi, itne me ek chori aake khadi hogi bus stand pe, garmi bohot thi, chori ne chatri khol rakhi thi, paache paache ek chora bi aagya. thodi der me chora , chori ku chedan laagya. chori kay boli
chori: o chore ya chatri dekhi se , laagi na, te bambai ja girega , k hero banraya se
itne me tao bol padya : e chori mai ghani waar te bus ke baat dekh riya su, ek chatri ki taadi mere maar de , rohtak lo jaana se.
ek bar ek tau , khadya tha bus stand pe, ghani der hogi koi bus na aayi, itne me ek chori aake khadi hogi bus stand pe, garmi bohot thi, chori ne chatri khol rakhi thi, paache paache ek chora bi aagya. thodi der me chora , chori ku chedan laagya. chori kay boli
chori: o chore ya chatri dekhi se , laagi na, te bambai ja girega , k hero banraya se
itne me tao bol padya : e chori mai ghani waar te bus ke baat dekh riya su, ek chatri ki taadi mere maar de , rohtak lo jaana se.
Friday, January 7, 2011
--------- Ek Sharaabi.
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ek bai ek sharabi .......naale main pada....gaam nai gaale bakan laag raha tha....thari ...iss kum tiss krduga.....aagla doonga....dhuma tha dunga....bhundi bhundi lag raha bakan....nu krdunga....ar nu krdunga........ek aakai bola bhai jo kr na sai kr leyai phalam khada tai ho ja........sharabi bola......yaar nai tai jo krna sai padai padai kr deya krai.
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ek bai ek sharabi .......naale main pada....gaam nai gaale bakan laag raha tha....thari ...iss kum tiss krduga.....aagla doonga....dhuma tha dunga....bhundi bhundi lag raha bakan....nu krdunga....ar nu krdunga........ek aakai bola bhai jo kr na sai kr leyai phalam khada tai ho ja........sharabi bola......yaar nai tai jo krna sai padai padai kr deya krai.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
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52-बुद्धि बाणियां, 53-बुद्धि जाट
ऐसी कहावत है कि बनियां के पास एक नहीं, 52 दिमाग होते हैं ।
पुरानी बात है । एक जाट एक दूसरे गांव के बनिया से कभी-कभी ब्याज पर पैसे लेता था और बनियां की सूदखोरी से परेशान था । एक बार जाट की 14-15 साल की लड़की का बीमारी से
देहान्त हो गया और जाट को सेठजी से कुछ और कर्ज लेना पड़ा ।
फिर हुआ यूं कि कुछ दिन बाद बनियां की लड़की, जिसका नाम “परमेसरी” था और जो लगभग उसी उम्र (14-15 साल) की थी, वो भी महामारी के कारण चल बसी । उसकी 13वीं
के दिन जाट शोक प्रकट करने के लिए उस सेठ के घर चला गया ।
उस समय बनियां घर में नहीं था । सेठानी भोली-भाली थी - जाट ने उसको एक तरफ ले जा कर कहा : "सेठानी जी, मैं तो अपनी लड़की से कल स्वर्ग में मिलने गया था, वो तो अब
मौज में है पर परमेसरी बेचारी परेशान है । वो कह रही थी कि वो अपने जेवर तो धरती पर ही छोड़ आई और उसकी दूसरी सहेलियां सजी-संवरी घूमती हैं - और मेरे को यह कहने लगी, कि
मेरी मां से कह देना कि मेरे जेवर भिजवा दे । अगर आप उसके जेवर मुझे दे दें तो मैं अगली बार वहां उसके पास पहुंचा दूंगा" ।
बेचारी सेठानी ने जाट को जेवर दे दिये और जाट उसको राम राम कहकर अपने गांव की तरफ पैदल चलता बना ।
थोड़ी देर के बाद जब बनिया घर आया तो सेठानी ने सारा किस्सा बता दिया । बनियां समझ गया कि चौधरी तो सेठानी का उल्लू बना गया और अपनी घोड़ी पर सवार होकर उसी तरफ भागा । बनियां
को घोड़ी पर आता देखकर जाट खेतों की तरफ भाग गया और एक पेड़ पर चढ़ गया । बनियां ने घोड़ी पेड़ के नीचे रोक ली और जाट से जेवर मांगे । जाट ने जवाब दिया : “सेठ जी, मैने कोई
चोरी तो की नहीं है, सेठानी ने अपने आप ये जेवर मुझे दिये हैं । अगर आप इस पेड़ पर चढ़ सकते हो तो ऊपर आकर अपने जेवर ले जाओ” ।
बनियां बेचारा जोर लगाकर पेड़ पर तो चढ़ गया पर बुरी तरह थक गया । मौका देखकर जाट ने नीचे खड़ी हुई उसकी घोड़ी पर छलांग लाई और घोड़ी को लेकर भागने लगा ।
बनियां ने देख लिया कि अब तो घोड़ी भी हाथ से गई - फिर सोचा कि जाट के हाथों अपना अपमान करवाने की बजाय क्यों ना कुछ पुण्य ही कमा लिया जाये !
बनियां ने जोर से आवाज दी : "अड़ चौधड़ी - या घोड़ी परमेसरी ताहीं दे दिये और उस-तैं बता दिये कि तेरी मां नै तै जेवर भेजे सैं और बाप नै घोड़ी ।
52-बुद्धि बाणियां, 53-बुद्धि जाट
ऐसी कहावत है कि बनियां के पास एक नहीं, 52 दिमाग होते हैं ।
पुरानी बात है । एक जाट एक दूसरे गांव के बनिया से कभी-कभी ब्याज पर पैसे लेता था और बनियां की सूदखोरी से परेशान था । एक बार जाट की 14-15 साल की लड़की का बीमारी से
देहान्त हो गया और जाट को सेठजी से कुछ और कर्ज लेना पड़ा ।
फिर हुआ यूं कि कुछ दिन बाद बनियां की लड़की, जिसका नाम “परमेसरी” था और जो लगभग उसी उम्र (14-15 साल) की थी, वो भी महामारी के कारण चल बसी । उसकी 13वीं
के दिन जाट शोक प्रकट करने के लिए उस सेठ के घर चला गया ।
उस समय बनियां घर में नहीं था । सेठानी भोली-भाली थी - जाट ने उसको एक तरफ ले जा कर कहा : "सेठानी जी, मैं तो अपनी लड़की से कल स्वर्ग में मिलने गया था, वो तो अब
मौज में है पर परमेसरी बेचारी परेशान है । वो कह रही थी कि वो अपने जेवर तो धरती पर ही छोड़ आई और उसकी दूसरी सहेलियां सजी-संवरी घूमती हैं - और मेरे को यह कहने लगी, कि
मेरी मां से कह देना कि मेरे जेवर भिजवा दे । अगर आप उसके जेवर मुझे दे दें तो मैं अगली बार वहां उसके पास पहुंचा दूंगा" ।
बेचारी सेठानी ने जाट को जेवर दे दिये और जाट उसको राम राम कहकर अपने गांव की तरफ पैदल चलता बना ।
थोड़ी देर के बाद जब बनिया घर आया तो सेठानी ने सारा किस्सा बता दिया । बनियां समझ गया कि चौधरी तो सेठानी का उल्लू बना गया और अपनी घोड़ी पर सवार होकर उसी तरफ भागा । बनियां
को घोड़ी पर आता देखकर जाट खेतों की तरफ भाग गया और एक पेड़ पर चढ़ गया । बनियां ने घोड़ी पेड़ के नीचे रोक ली और जाट से जेवर मांगे । जाट ने जवाब दिया : “सेठ जी, मैने कोई
चोरी तो की नहीं है, सेठानी ने अपने आप ये जेवर मुझे दिये हैं । अगर आप इस पेड़ पर चढ़ सकते हो तो ऊपर आकर अपने जेवर ले जाओ” ।
बनियां बेचारा जोर लगाकर पेड़ पर तो चढ़ गया पर बुरी तरह थक गया । मौका देखकर जाट ने नीचे खड़ी हुई उसकी घोड़ी पर छलांग लाई और घोड़ी को लेकर भागने लगा ।
बनियां ने देख लिया कि अब तो घोड़ी भी हाथ से गई - फिर सोचा कि जाट के हाथों अपना अपमान करवाने की बजाय क्यों ना कुछ पुण्य ही कमा लिया जाये !
बनियां ने जोर से आवाज दी : "अड़ चौधड़ी - या घोड़ी परमेसरी ताहीं दे दिये और उस-तैं बता दिये कि तेरी मां नै तै जेवर भेजे सैं और बाप नै घोड़ी ।
तरक्की
सतपाल (सत्तू) सोलह साल का हो गया, गांव के स्कूल से दसवीं पास कर ली, पर कभी किसी बड़े शहर में नहीं गया था । पेपर होने के बाद इस बार उसका बड़ा भाई उसे अपने साथ बंबई ले
गया ।
बंबई जाकर सत्तू सोचने लगा कि यहां इतनी तरक्की का राज क्या है । उसने देखा कि वहां छोटे-छोटे कामों के लिए ज्यादा वक्त बरबाद नहीं करना पड़ता और उस बचे हुए समय में काम करने से
तरक्की होती है । गांव में तो दीर्घशंका (जंगल-जोहड़/Latrine) के लिए एक कोस दूर जाना पड़ता था और बंबई में या तो घरों में ही गुसलखाने हैं या फिर लोग घरों के आस-पास या
रेलवे लाइन के किनारे बैठकर अपना काम निपटा देते हैं - इससे टाइम की बचत होती है और यही तरक्की का राज है ।
गांव वापस आकर सत्तू गांव के बिल्कुल साथ किसी के घर के पीछे 'रोग काटने' बैठ जाता । जब कई दिन हो गये तो गांव के कुछ बुजुर्ग लोगों ने उसे टोक दिया । सत्तू गुस्से में आकर बोला :
"तुम सारे बूढे नाश की जड़ सो - ना तुम खुद तरक्की कर सकते और ना दूसरां नै करण देते" !!!
.
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ढ़ाबे की दाल
केशव दहिया** कालिज में पढ़ता था, एक बार उसे आस्ट्रेलिया का ट्यूरिस्ट वीजा मिल गया । वहां जाकर उसने एक भारतीय छात्र के कमरे में डेरा डाल लिया । उस लड़के ने उसे ठहरा तो
लिया पर बता दिया कि वो अपना खाना खुद बना लिया करे ।
केशव ने पहले दिन दाल बनाई और उस लड़के को भी खिलाई । उसने कहा - "अरै केसू, तेरे हाथ की दाल खा-कै तै मन्नै नत्थू का ढाबा याद आ-ग्या"। फिर तो रोज दाल ही बनने लगी -
सब्जी खरीदने में तो केशव के पैसे खर्च होते थे । किचन में कई डिब्बों में दालें तो पड़ी ही थी - अच्छी पतली-सी दाल बना कर पीने भी लगा। फिर महीने भर बाद उस लड़के ने देखा कि जो
दालें वो खुद पहले भारत से खरीद कर लाया था, वे तो इस केशव की वजह से खतम होने को हैं । उसने केशव को टोक दिया कि भाई कभी सब्जी भी खरीद कर बना लिया कर ।
केशव ने जवाब दिया कि उसको तो सिर्फ दालें ही पसंद हैं । उसके साथी ने जवाब दिया : " तै न्यूं कर कि इस कमरे में हळ चला दे और थोड़ी सी दाल बो दे"
सतपाल (सत्तू) सोलह साल का हो गया, गांव के स्कूल से दसवीं पास कर ली, पर कभी किसी बड़े शहर में नहीं गया था । पेपर होने के बाद इस बार उसका बड़ा भाई उसे अपने साथ बंबई ले
गया ।
बंबई जाकर सत्तू सोचने लगा कि यहां इतनी तरक्की का राज क्या है । उसने देखा कि वहां छोटे-छोटे कामों के लिए ज्यादा वक्त बरबाद नहीं करना पड़ता और उस बचे हुए समय में काम करने से
तरक्की होती है । गांव में तो दीर्घशंका (जंगल-जोहड़/Latrine) के लिए एक कोस दूर जाना पड़ता था और बंबई में या तो घरों में ही गुसलखाने हैं या फिर लोग घरों के आस-पास या
रेलवे लाइन के किनारे बैठकर अपना काम निपटा देते हैं - इससे टाइम की बचत होती है और यही तरक्की का राज है ।
गांव वापस आकर सत्तू गांव के बिल्कुल साथ किसी के घर के पीछे 'रोग काटने' बैठ जाता । जब कई दिन हो गये तो गांव के कुछ बुजुर्ग लोगों ने उसे टोक दिया । सत्तू गुस्से में आकर बोला :
"तुम सारे बूढे नाश की जड़ सो - ना तुम खुद तरक्की कर सकते और ना दूसरां नै करण देते" !!!
.
-------------------------------------------------------
ढ़ाबे की दाल
केशव दहिया** कालिज में पढ़ता था, एक बार उसे आस्ट्रेलिया का ट्यूरिस्ट वीजा मिल गया । वहां जाकर उसने एक भारतीय छात्र के कमरे में डेरा डाल लिया । उस लड़के ने उसे ठहरा तो
लिया पर बता दिया कि वो अपना खाना खुद बना लिया करे ।
केशव ने पहले दिन दाल बनाई और उस लड़के को भी खिलाई । उसने कहा - "अरै केसू, तेरे हाथ की दाल खा-कै तै मन्नै नत्थू का ढाबा याद आ-ग्या"। फिर तो रोज दाल ही बनने लगी -
सब्जी खरीदने में तो केशव के पैसे खर्च होते थे । किचन में कई डिब्बों में दालें तो पड़ी ही थी - अच्छी पतली-सी दाल बना कर पीने भी लगा। फिर महीने भर बाद उस लड़के ने देखा कि जो
दालें वो खुद पहले भारत से खरीद कर लाया था, वे तो इस केशव की वजह से खतम होने को हैं । उसने केशव को टोक दिया कि भाई कभी सब्जी भी खरीद कर बना लिया कर ।
केशव ने जवाब दिया कि उसको तो सिर्फ दालें ही पसंद हैं । उसके साथी ने जवाब दिया : " तै न्यूं कर कि इस कमरे में हळ चला दे और थोड़ी सी दाल बो दे"
------ fauj ki bharti
---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------
________________________________________
ek bai ek jaat bhai fauj mein bharti hon gaya.medical mein docter jawan ne koda kar ke
khaswave(COUGHING) thaa.Jab jat ka number aaya to docter bole jawan bidi pite ho. Jat bola
kyun saab dhuma likde se ke
---------
________________________________________
ek bai ek jaat bhai fauj mein bharti hon gaya.medical mein docter jawan ne koda kar ke
khaswave(COUGHING) thaa.Jab jat ka number aaya to docter bole jawan bidi pite ho. Jat bola
kyun saab dhuma likde se ke
Taj Mahal Rohtak Main
________________________________________
ek ba et JAT bhai kisi interview ke liye gaya.Wahan jate hi laga naukri to bat lee. pher bhi
interview dene bhitar chlaya gaya.
Us Tta quastion puchha.
Taj Mahal kahan hai?
who bola ROHTAK main,
arra yo ta Agra main hai
saab, yo ta sab na gera hai, par mene new sochhi naukri to tumhna baatan lee, ya ta mile
koni, kam-t-kam Taj Mahal na ta Apne Rohtak main liyawan.
ek ba et JAT bhai kisi interview ke liye gaya.Wahan jate hi laga naukri to bat lee. pher bhi
interview dene bhitar chlaya gaya.
Us Tta quastion puchha.
Taj Mahal kahan hai?
who bola ROHTAK main,
arra yo ta Agra main hai
saab, yo ta sab na gera hai, par mene new sochhi naukri to tumhna baatan lee, ya ta mile
koni, kam-t-kam Taj Mahal na ta Apne Rohtak main liyawan.
--- durghatna ar badkismati
-------------------------
------------
________________________________________
dholu bolya-molad,durghatna ar badkismati main ke farrak se?
molad bolya-dekh bhai,je aapne school main aag lag jya to aapni ya durghatna sai.
je aag bhujaan aale aake ne aapne master ne bacha len to aapni badkismati se.
------------
________________________________________
dholu bolya-molad,durghatna ar badkismati main ke farrak se?
molad bolya-dekh bhai,je aapne school main aag lag jya to aapni ya durghatna sai.
je aag bhujaan aale aake ne aapne master ne bacha len to aapni badkismati se.
khambe te bacha ke rakhiyo _
_______________________________________
ek be ek tai ki arthi ne daha sanskar ke liye le javen the. raste me khambe se takkar hogi.
tai gir gai or uth ke beth gi. uske bad 5-7 saal jindi rahi ur pher sach much men margi. is
bar tau arthi ke peechhe-peechhe rovta aave thaa ur keh rha tha "bhaiyo, mera nass hogya,
gharaali margi, per is bar hath jod ke keh rha sun, khambe te bacha ke rakhiyo"
ek be ek tai ki arthi ne daha sanskar ke liye le javen the. raste me khambe se takkar hogi.
tai gir gai or uth ke beth gi. uske bad 5-7 saal jindi rahi ur pher sach much men margi. is
bar tau arthi ke peechhe-peechhe rovta aave thaa ur keh rha tha "bhaiyo, mera nass hogya,
gharaali margi, per is bar hath jod ke keh rha sun, khambe te bacha ke rakhiyo"
Tau ki najar
________________________________________
Ek bai ek tau city ki market main chala gaya. Readymade garments ki dukan ke aage ek model
thi, Tau usne jake bola, Ke time hoga. Model ke bole thi. Itne main salesman aaya or bola
Tau ji yeah nahi bolegi yeah to model hai Yeah to bana rakhi hai.
Tau aaga chala gaya. Aage Ek oorat chup chap khadi kisi ka wait kar rahi thi. Tau uska hath
laga ki bolya, Ya to aachi bana rakhi sai.
Ek bai ek tau city ki market main chala gaya. Readymade garments ki dukan ke aage ek model
thi, Tau usne jake bola, Ke time hoga. Model ke bole thi. Itne main salesman aaya or bola
Tau ji yeah nahi bolegi yeah to model hai Yeah to bana rakhi hai.
Tau aaga chala gaya. Aage Ek oorat chup chap khadi kisi ka wait kar rahi thi. Tau uska hath
laga ki bolya, Ya to aachi bana rakhi sai.
tau nai khaye paranthe
---------
________________________________________
ek bai ek tau taai nai delhi ghumaan khatar le gaya. tau kutub minar kahni ishara kar kai
nai bolya dekh u rya taj mahal.
taai boli kyoon bhukaan lag rya hai yoo to kutub minar sai....
tau bolya na yoo taj mahal hi sai...tai boli kyoon mera bewkoof banao so....u to kutub minar
sai.
taau nai kheench kai nai tai ke gaal pai thapad jad diya ar bolya ...GHUMAN MAIN LE KE AAYA
SOON KE TAUN.....
bechari taai chup chap taau gel chal di....
gharaan aan paache .....taau bolya aaj to paranthe khawange...
taai ne phat dharya tawaa......thodi der baad paros di roti...ar boli le parantha kha...
taau bolya yo to roti hai........taai ne mauka mila ar phat jad diya taau ke gaal pai...ar
boli....BANAYA MANNAE HAI KE TANNE
________________________________________
ek bai ek tau taai nai delhi ghumaan khatar le gaya. tau kutub minar kahni ishara kar kai
nai bolya dekh u rya taj mahal.
taai boli kyoon bhukaan lag rya hai yoo to kutub minar sai....
tau bolya na yoo taj mahal hi sai...tai boli kyoon mera bewkoof banao so....u to kutub minar
sai.
taau nai kheench kai nai tai ke gaal pai thapad jad diya ar bolya ...GHUMAN MAIN LE KE AAYA
SOON KE TAUN.....
bechari taai chup chap taau gel chal di....
gharaan aan paache .....taau bolya aaj to paranthe khawange...
taai ne phat dharya tawaa......thodi der baad paros di roti...ar boli le parantha kha...
taau bolya yo to roti hai........taai ne mauka mila ar phat jad diya taau ke gaal pai...ar
boli....BANAYA MANNAE HAI KE TANNE
Angrej nai JAT tai puchhya....
________________________________________
Ek bai interview mai ek Angrej nai JAT tai puchhya-Do you know English???
Jat pure confidence tai bolya…: YES…Angrez fer bolya… How much??
Jat bolya… Baisssssss
Ek bai interview mai ek Angrej nai JAT tai puchhya-Do you know English???
Jat pure confidence tai bolya…: YES…Angrez fer bolya… How much??
Jat bolya… Baisssssss
Another Jat Driver of DTC
________________________________________
ISBT se Bus chali. Driver jat tha. ek urban lugai conducter se puchhke aage se chadne lag
ge. Driver bolya--peechhe ke aa peecheeke. madam boli --puchh ke aaye sun. Driver bolya--"
Puchh ke aaye ho che dhoke—paachhli khidki maan ke bad is main "
ISBT se Bus chali. Driver jat tha. ek urban lugai conducter se puchhke aage se chadne lag
ge. Driver bolya--peechhe ke aa peecheeke. madam boli --puchh ke aaye sun. Driver bolya--"
Puchh ke aaye ho che dhoke—paachhli khidki maan ke bad is main "
Boodhape ke kisse
________________________________________
Bhai, gaam ke balkaan ne dekhya ak gaam ke do sab te boodhe chaupad mein baithe taas khelti
haana sara din lade jaan hain ar tadke hotte he ek ped ke niche katthe ho ke gale millen ar
bade raazzi howen.
Balkaan ne sochya, pata karo ke baat hai. Raat ne ped pe chadh kai baith gaye. Tadke hotte
he, donu buddhe per katthe ho gaye ar ek doosre ke haath pe taali mar ke kawehen "aur ek din
ji gaye".
Bhai, gaam ke balkaan ne dekhya ak gaam ke do sab te boodhe chaupad mein baithe taas khelti
haana sara din lade jaan hain ar tadke hotte he ek ped ke niche katthe ho ke gale millen ar
bade raazzi howen.
Balkaan ne sochya, pata karo ke baat hai. Raat ne ped pe chadh kai baith gaye. Tadke hotte
he, donu buddhe per katthe ho gaye ar ek doosre ke haath pe taali mar ke kawehen "aur ek din
ji gaye".
Sundu ki cycle race
________________________________________
Ek bai sundu nai nai-nai cycle chalani seekhi thi,
Vo apni cycle nai le kai kisey badey ottrrey dhoray jata pher uss otrtrey ke ooper chadd kai
apni cycle pe baith-taa, ar pher koi useney pachey tai dhakka marta ar..pher sundu dat-tyaa
nahin karta.
6 mahiney hogey same style.
Ek din school mein cycle race howey thi. Sundu bhi participate kar rhya thaa.
Ceeti baaji ar balak ho liye shuru per sundu hud-ey khdya ka khdyaa. Uskey babu nai boojhi
beta ke hoya
Sundu( ), dhakka koon mera mama aa-key maregaa!!!
Ek bai sundu nai nai-nai cycle chalani seekhi thi,
Vo apni cycle nai le kai kisey badey ottrrey dhoray jata pher uss otrtrey ke ooper chadd kai
apni cycle pe baith-taa, ar pher koi useney pachey tai dhakka marta ar..pher sundu dat-tyaa
nahin karta.
6 mahiney hogey same style.
Ek din school mein cycle race howey thi. Sundu bhi participate kar rhya thaa.
Ceeti baaji ar balak ho liye shuru per sundu hud-ey khdya ka khdyaa. Uskey babu nai boojhi
beta ke hoya
Sundu( ), dhakka koon mera mama aa-key maregaa!!!
mhari madam
एक बे की बात सै मै छठी कक्षा मे पढ़या करता,...............एक बे म्हारी कक्षा कसुता शोर कर री थी,............जिब घनी देर तक बालक चुप ना हुए,............... तो म्हारी मैडम गुस्से मे आ गी और............... बोली सारे चुप हो जाओ नी तो खड़ा करके बहार निकाल दूंगी,.................... सारे बालक छुटते ही बोले, पहले मेरा पहले मेरा
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
army officer
एक बे आर्मी में एक ऑफिसर बहोत सख्त होवे से वो किसे ने बी छुटी ना दिया करे था जो बी छुट्टी मंगन जांदा बहाना बना के जी मेरी माँ मर गी तो अफसर कहंदा माँ तो मेरी बी मरी थी मैं तो कोनी गया घरा
koye kehnda ji mere bhai ka byah se to afsar kehnda byah to mere bhai ka b hoya tha m to naa gya wo sbne nue tall diya kre tha jo b chuti mangan janda..
to ek jaat ne ghra jana ghna jaruri tha to gel aale bole rehn de kyu bejati krwa se afsar dhore jake wo nu bolya m leke aaunga 10 din ki chutti to wo afsar dhore gya ar bolya ji mne 7 din ki chutti de do afsar bolya ke kaam se wo bolya ji bta koni skda aap chutti de do afsar bolya pehle karan bta
jaat bolya ji meri jwan bebe kise gel bhaj gi wa tohni se to afsar bolya ja 10din ki chutti deyi toh le usne
koye kehnda ji mere bhai ka byah se to afsar kehnda byah to mere bhai ka b hoya tha m to naa gya wo sbne nue tall diya kre tha jo b chuti mangan janda..
to ek jaat ne ghra jana ghna jaruri tha to gel aale bole rehn de kyu bejati krwa se afsar dhore jake wo nu bolya m leke aaunga 10 din ki chutti to wo afsar dhore gya ar bolya ji mne 7 din ki chutti de do afsar bolya ke kaam se wo bolya ji bta koni skda aap chutti de do afsar bolya pehle karan bta
jaat bolya ji meri jwan bebe kise gel bhaj gi wa tohni se to afsar bolya ja 10din ki chutti deyi toh le usne
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