उसने कदे 50 भी नही देखे थे.....मैंने 120 का रीचार्ज कराया ,
सुट तक कदे जचा नी उसके......मैंने नाइक का टॉप दिवाया ,
बात कर के बड़ी आज मैंने गुड बाय कहगी......यार हके बके रहगे
जद म्हारे बुल्लेट ते उतर के.... मारुती800 आले गले जा बैठी ,
साली ने सॉरी कहना तो दूर की बात... जांदी जांदी कुत्ता कमीना कहगी,
नु बोली आज ते तेरी मेरी टुट्टी......फेर के था ............... ...............
उसके नये यार के शामी ........लाम्बी गेड के कुट्टी ...

haadsa

manne waa ghanee suthri laggi, jee karya ke apne dil tey lagaoon..
wah boli," Jametri se muh aale, tu jaa sei ak bataoon".
mere pe pher bhi nahi datya gaya, apna dil sa uske naam kargaya,
uuney jaa key gharran po di arr uska bhai meri Sodd Si Bhargaya....

Hey Bhagwan

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Ek sadhu pedd ke niche baithya aankh bandh karke pooja kre thha ar keh rhya tha:


Hay bhagwan yo sansaar kitna dukhi se, manne tuun isske sarre dookh de-de, sare kasht manne de-de,manne chhakke dukhi banna de. Hudde ek tau uski baat sunne tha, sunn ke Tau bolya;

BHAI MODDE NYU KAR ITTANI CHEES KYUN MANGGE SE, TUUN EKKE CHEES MANG LE,,,,,,,,"AK HAY BHAGWAN MERA BYAH KARA DE.......bakki te aappe mil jya ga tanne.

- Ramphal London Mein

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Ramphal aur Kartare paggddee baddal yaar the.Ramphal ka badda bhai London mein Service krre tha.Ramphal ne appne bhai tein Telephone pe baat karee ar kahya ke bhai manne aur kartare ne ek be London dikha de jaroor.Ramphal ke bhai ne ticket bhijwa diye arr Ramphal-Kartare ki joddi London pohonch gai.Par ibb dikkat ya thi ke Ramphal ar kartare ne Angreji bolnni nahin awwe thi,te Ramphal ke bhai ne donuuwan tahin kassutti hidayat de-di ke bhai ghar tein bahar katti matt likadiyo. 2-3 din hoge,bhai te daffttar chalya ja ar ye donnu sher ghar mein bathhe rehtte........ghanne duukhi ho liye te ek din bahar likkaddge.Sathh mein-e ek PARK thha ussmein baddge.Huudde ek Angrejj GUARD thha ar uussne ye naye kissam ke aadmmee pehlyaan kadde nahin dekhe the.Wo angrejj chillaya,"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE." Donnun thodde ghabra te gae par Ramphal SHURRU hogya," MY NAME RAMPHAL AR HE MERA DHABBI KARTARE,Village&po...MY VILLAGE NAME..AND DAKKHANNA................. KATHOORA;TEH..ROHTAK;ZILA..ROHTAK..MY BABBU KA NAAM MAHA SINGH...Kartare ke BABBU ka NAAM..................../ ANgrejj ka dimmag ho gya kharaab aur BAHAR ki taraf issara kar ke bolya," You both get out from here." Donnun taggaza kar ke bahar likadgey.Bahar likddtehein KArtare bolya re bacha liya tne aaj nahin te jell mein pawwahen...par nyun batta ittani angrejji tere kitt te yaad hogi..salla angrejj bhi chakkar khagya......Iss pe ramphal bolya," IBBE TE THIRSTY CROW BI REH RI THI....SAALLA "MY VILLAGE "KA PARASTAW SUUNKE-E SAMAJH GYA AK HADDE DAAL NAHIN GLLE-GI.

Tau aur Jhabru

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Ek be ek Tau ne apni rishteydari mein jana tha. Kati kasuta dhola kurta, dhoti ar khandua gaad ke bus addey pe panhuch liya. Bus ki baat mein khada tha, ar udey kiichad (mud) mein ek Jhabru (lambey baal aala) kutta loat rahya tha. Kuttey ne ek dum te uth ke phadphadi li ar sir te le ke panjya tanhi tau kali kiichad ka bhar diya. Ar jhabru yoh kaam kar ke ulta e pher loat gaya kiichad mein.

Tau ke khoon te kime bachya nahi dehi mein, kasoota choh uth gaya. Ude ek chah (tea) ki dukan mein gaya ar ek biscuit ka packet le liya, biscuit khoal ke kutte ne kur kur karan lag gaya. Chah aala sari kahani dekh rahya tha, ja ke bolya, tau is kutte ne tera yoh haal kar diya ar tu isney biscuit khwawe se.

Tau bolya 're iska apney saaley ka paachha (back side) todna se, biscuit dikha ke nu dekhoo se pachha se kinghe ne'.

Tau Baithya Se...........??

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EK TAU BAITHYA DHUUP SEKAN LAGHRYA THA,AR EK BHAI AAKE KE BUUJHHAN LAGGYA.............

BHEEMA: tau baithya se
TAU : na bhai kullabatti khaan suun
BHEEMA: tau burra maan gya dikhe se
TAU : kilkee kyukar maarun bhai
BHEEMA: aachhya tau galtti hogi
TAU : pher mat kriye
BHEEMA: kai din tein dikhya nahin tuu
TAU : bua ke ja rhya tha
BHEEMA: rotti khali
TAU : bholle ka bartee suun aaj
BHEEMA: achchya tau chaloon pher
TAU : manne ke bulaya tha bhai

Kaliye ki Suhag Raat

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Kaliya bechara ghana e sudha tha....ar uski bahu Faturi bi use jisi aagi mel main mel milga.
Kaliye ne Apne dost Sundu te bujhi bhai Suhag raat ne ke kara karein.....
Sundu ne bhi swad len khatar nu beta di bhai Suhag Raat ne Rail Gadi chalayaan karain tu Engine ban jaayeiye or wah tera kurta pakad legi ar Khaat ke chaaker kaat te rahiyo poori raat sona nahi se.
Eb raat ne donu ek kamre main chor diye ar Sankal laa di bahar te...
Pher ke tha donu hoge Suru.
Kaliya bole "Rail Chali......"
Faturi KAre "Chuk Chuk Chuk..."
Are ruke maarain laag ge ar galaan galyaan khat ke chakker..
Todi haan main neeche thaan main Bhains chingar gi ar khunte ke mara Jhetka or wo laga Kaliye ke babu ke sir main....Uska sir phoot gaya.... Saare dhari Khadwaani phut gi ar KAliye ki maan ke doon maari uski paansu toot gi....
Uper te tej tej aawaj aawain "Rail chali--- chuk chuk chuk-----" Beech beech main Horn ki bhi aawaj aawe Poon Poon....

Kaliye ke Babu ne thaya lath ar cubaare ke bahar ja ke bola...Are thaam le is rail gadi ne aade Saari Swariyaan ke ser foot liye....ar neeche aake apni is bhua ka Khunta gaad le

school main jaya kare

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Ek bar mahre gam main ,kuch ghawandi jhota dekhte aandhae thee.Tau surje ne bera paat gya.Turant apnna jhota ,singa ke tel la ke , barnne aaga bandh diya.achaa thathaa jhota dekh ke,kharidan aale ,poole main aa bathe.`tau jhota dekhe thee' `jhota,ammmmm............. bhai bhechan ke mood main ta su nahin ,par jib tam aae gaye so to chalo dekh lo'
lage jhote ke chugardee ke guman.ar kahan lage.
pahala--tau, yo te keraa se
tau--- ha bhai
dusara--areeeee ,jhokee se,maranaa se
tisra---bhai isake to dhamme ka vichar ha lagya
Harek baat tau ke bhitarlee main lagan lag ri thee.
itane main ek aur bolya---tau yo bhughee khinch le se
tau ke aag lag gi ,bolya---aree nahin ,kitaki bhughee,ib to yo nadan se.tadke tadak istae tipan aur jhola de de se, ib ta yo school main jaya kar.

Family Planning And Tau Bhartu....???

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Ek be family planning aale gaam mein aake ISTIHAAR laan lag-gye.............POSTER PE LIKHA THAA," EK HO BACHHA--WO SABSE ACHCHHA."

Jabb tau Bhartu ki helli ke aage poster lawwan lagge te tau Bhartu bolya," ARE WO BHAI HADDE MATNYAN LAAO YE PHOTTU." ............

Family planning alle bolle par tau iss mein harjj ke se........thhare fayde tahin te lagawaan saan.

TAU BHARTU: Bhai je mhari mheinssyan paddhh liya na te ballkan ne dokkyan ke lalle padd jyange..........in-ne le jyao hadde tein.....TAGGAZA MANNO BHAI MHEINS AWWAN NE HORI SE JOHADD PAR TEIN.

24 ghante bus mein rahu su

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ek bey flying aale roadways ke conductor bhundu te bujhen lageey
"bhai bhundu tu bus mein kay ghante reh sey "
bhundu keh sey " ji 24 ghante bus mein e rahu su "
flying aale bole " nu kukar "
bhundu bolya " 8 ghante tey roadways kee bus rahu su arr 16 ghante gharwali key bus mein rahu su"

Mein Mayke Chali Jauungee...........ar Tau.....???

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Tau bobby picture dekhkhan gaya tha ar gana chal rhya tha," MEIN MAYKE CHALI JAUUNGEE.......

DIMPLE: mein mayke chali jauungee ....
TAU : Nyon kuykkar chali jagi...NASSAN NE NAHIN PHODD DYAN GE.
RISHI : MEIN DOOJA BYAH RACHAUUNGA
TAU : Ye baat..JALE NE
DIMPLE: MEIN KUUWE MEIN GIR JAUUNGEE
TAU : ARRE KONYA PDDE KUUWE-KAWE MEIN.....PAAKHAND SEIN
RISHI : MEIN RASSI SE KHINCHWALUNGA
TAU : KYAN TAHIN KHINCHWALEGA........ISSI NE TE MARNNE DE
DIMPLE: MEIN PEDD PER CHADDH JAWOONGEE
TAU : TANGEE RAHAN DE INNE....TARIYE MANNYA
RISHI : MEIN AARREE SE KATWA DUUNGA
TAU : ARRE KYAN TAHIN ARRE CHALAWEGA........TUUN BHEE MERE YAAR DOGGLA-E DIKHKHE SE..,KHAM-KHAN APNI BUA NE SIRR PE CHADHHA RHYA
DIMPLE: MEIN MAYKE NAHIN JAWOONGI.....2
TAU : TAWLLAYE AAGYA HONSS THIKANNE.......INNE KHET MEIN LEJYA AR KASSOLLA DEDE HAATH MEIN.........PEHLYYAEN SIRR PE NAHIN CHADHDHAYA KARTE IN-NE.......PER AA LIYA, IBB IKKE GOLLA-LATHHI DE KE RAKHIYE...UULGGEE MAT-NYAAN CHHODIYE.

Russya Huwa Tau

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Ek baar ek tau ghar aallyan tein kassoota rooss gya,ar pher ke huya................

TAI: Rottee khale,kyun chillater kre se

Tau: Nahin khanee mne
Tai : DOODH lyaun
Tau :Tere lathh dhar dyunga
Tai : He ja ne...sadde oodd............beim....a....a....n
Laddka: BAbbu rotti kyun na khatta
Tau : Battanna jaroori se?
Laddka : per humnne bi bera te patte ak narajgee ke se
Tau : Appni maa ne bujhley ne
Laddka :Maa ree babbu kyun naraz se?
Tai : JEEBH CHATTOREE HO RHI SE, nyun khe se ak JALEBBI khan ga...bta iss ummar mein iske shok.......
Tau :DEKHH JULLAM KI BAAT>>>>BATTA KAD IMMARTEE MANGEE THEE.
Laddka : Pher ke mangya tha.
Tau : Nyuun kahi thi ak kimme meethha khaan ne dil krese........ya chhut-tie boli," IBB JALEBBI KIIT TEN LAYAUN."...BATTA KOE BAAT HUI MERE YAAR.
LADDKA : Chokhha jab mein jalebi-e lya dyun suun
TAU : Apnee maa ne-e khua de....mein te nuhen theek suun........ar inne keh de ak hadde te challi jagee na te jotyan pe lathh maar dyunga............

लुची लुची बात

मास्टरनी :- एक दिन के होया क ... अकबर बादशाह खाट पे सुतया था .............

रमलू :- मैडम यो बदलू मने लुची लुची बात बतावे है :(

मास्टरनी :- एक मारूंगी कान क निचे खीच के .. चुप चाप बेठे रहो ,, ... र बालकों मैं कित थी ???
.
.

रमलू :- जी अकबर की खाट पे ;) ;)

 

Brainy Haryanvi

ek baar ek master baalka ne ganeeet padata padata poochan laag gyaa ak nyu batao ki 1+1 = 3 karna ho to.??

Raldu haath thaa ke bolya ji donwa ka byaah karwa dyo...

master bolya shabas beta bahut badiya

fer ramfal kenya haath kar ke bolya ak ib tu nyu bata ak 1+1 = 11 krne ho te kyukar karaga....?

Ramfal ganhi der taai sochta rahya ar fer bera na k hoya ek dum te bolya ji donwa ka nikaaaaah karwa dyo..

Haryanvi in Hotel

Waiter: Ur Bill Sir.
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Raldu: Take My Card.
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Waiter: But Sir, This Is Ration Card.
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Raldu: To Phir Bahar Kya Majaak Me Likha hai..
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All Cards are Accepted.

Haryanvi calls FM Radio

रलदू ने ऍफ़ एम् पे कॉल करी.......
रलदू: मन्ने एक बटुआ पाया सै, जिस्मै घने इ रपिये अर्र दो क्रेडिट कार्ड सें, अर्र इस्पे पता लिख राख्या सै रामफल का.
होस्ट: तो आप रामफल को उसका पर्स वापिस करना चाहते हैं..... अच्छी बात है रलदू जी...
रलदू: हा हा हा हा हा बोला हो रया सै के... मैं तो उसनै एक सैड सोंग डेडीकेट करना चाहूँ सूं !!!!!!!